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“I didn’t ask you to come in here and badger me, Taylor. All you need to worry about is getting better. Either sit down and talk to me or go lay back down.”
Securing the packages of sausage and mushrooms cradled in his arm, he nudged the refrigerator door shut.
“I feel fine,” she said, unable to mask the raw pleading in her voice.
He dropped the contents onto the gleaming granite countertop and froze. She swallowed seeing his knuckles whiten as he gripped the ledge.
“Why do you always do this?” he asked quietly. “Why do you have to argue and push? Why can’t you just sit back and let someone take care of you? What are you so damn afraid of?”
Her mouth opened and closed around a silent denial. Frowning, she crossed the room and settled onto one of the bistro chairs seated at the breakfast table. Her brow furrowed as she gave the question serious merit. Twisting the stretchy hem of her tee, she squirmed as Sebastian’s expectant gaze bore into her. Tension thrummed between them as he moved on and started chopping the ground sausage in the skillet with a spatula.
“I guess…” She started then faltered as he glanced up. “I guess I’m afraid of becoming a burden.”
“That makes no sense, Taylor,” he said dryly.
“Yes it does. You just don’t understand. You’ve never been in that position.”
He set the spatula down with a little more force than was necessary. “Haven’t I? There was a time not too long ago when you were waiting on me hand and foot. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t fend for myself in any way, shape, or form after that explosion. Is that what you thought of me?” he asked. “Was I a burden?”
“Well, no, but…”
“Come here,” he ordered, pointing to the spot in front of him.
Hugging herself, she made the slow trek across the kitchen. Unable to help it, she winced when he reached for her chin.
“Quit lying,” Sebastian warned, his fingers firm along her jaw. “If you’re going to offer an explanation, at least be honest with me and yourself. What are you so afraid of, Taylor?”
“I…” Tears threatened and she bit the insides of her cheeks with the hopes the pain would help her hold herself together.
“Spit it out!”
“I don’t know! Maybe it’s stupid, but I always find myself wondering if I had just done more for myself or to help my mom out then maybe—maybe she wouldn’t have left. If I hadn’t been such a financial strain on my uncle growing up then maybe he could of…” She trailed off and choked down the knot building in her throat. The last words came out quiet and strained. “Maybe he could have loved me. Maybe they wouldn’t have done those things and tried to set me up.”
Sebastian winced. As the words struck home, his face slowly crumpled and he pulled her into his arms. Holding on tight, Taylor buried her nose against the fragrant warmth of his chest and held on for dear life. She refused to let the tears fall but was unable to quell the pained tremors running through her.
“Shh,” he soothed, stroking one hand over the back of her head as the other smoothed over her spine. “Don’t. You can’t think like that. Don’t do that to yourself, Taylor.”
“I can’t help it,” she said, pulling back.
Sebastian cradled her face firmly between his hands. His eyes were stern and beseeching as they locked with hers. “Listen to me,” he ordered. “Those people didn’t deserve you, baby. I know it’s hard to hear because it’s your family and they’re all you’ve ever known, but that’s not what family does. That’s not love. You don’t use the people you care about or walk away because things get difficult. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but you need to get it through your head that that’s not me. I’m never going to walk away from you, Taylor. Never, and I’m sure as hell not going to give you up just because we hit a few bumps along the way.”
“I know,” she whispered.
A sad smile plied his lips and he shook his head. “No, baby. You don’t. If you did, you would trust me. You would believe what this ring stands for,” he said, stroking the thick platinum and diamond band. “You’d believe in me and the promises I’ve made you.”
“Sebby…”
He silenced her with a gentle forefinger. “Just hear me out. I haven’t had the easiest time in life either. My family has been dysfunctional, broken, and ripped apart time and time again. Maybe it’s hard for you to understand, but it’s nice to think that I’m needed once in a while too. I do a lot of taking in this relationship, Taylor. Please don’t fight me when I try to give something back.”
“You do a lot of giving,” she argued.
“Have I? I’ve bought you things to try to express my affection, but it’s not about the money with you. It never has been. It took me a while to understand and accept that, but it’s true. With you, it’s all about the actions and what people do. You treasure the little things, Taylor. Let me do them for you. Believe it or not, I enjoy it.”
Sighing, she shrugged. “Okay. I’ll try.”
“Don’t try, baby. Just do. Now go sit your ass down before I decide to heat it up.”
A short while later, they were finishing off the remainder of their dinner. He’d whipped up a delicious alfredo lasagna and the rich aroma of garlic toast mingled in the air along with the lingering undercurrent of spiced sausage. Sebastian had relented a little by letting her chop up a head of lettuce and some cucumber for their salad. Stuffed, she leaned back with a contented groan. The slight shift in position scooted the ottoman they’d been using as a makeshift table across the floor. It was a nice break from the cold formality of the dining room, even if it was one she knew he didn’t necessarily enjoy. Whether he admitted it or not, Sebastian was very much a man of habits and routine.
His eyes were dark and troubled as he lowered his wineglass and set it down. Lost in his thoughts, he traced the delicate stem for a moment. “I need you to promise me something,” he murmured before swinging his piercing gaze her way.
Her breath caught seeing the intensity burning there.
“Things are really stepping up at work, and I don’t know where any of this is going to lead. I’ve never been a good man, Taylor. I’ve said and done some really terrible things in my lifetime, but I’ve always done them so that other people could survive. Right now, I don’t even have that reassurance to cling to,” he said, still focusing on the fragile stem of his glass. “You’re always so good at seeing the best in people. I want you to promise me when this is all said and done that you will try to still see something good in me. Try not to see me as a monster, even if that’s what I have to be. Help me find something that’s still worth redeeming, Taylor…please.”
The familiar noose of fear loosened, but her heart broke and shattered with his words. There was a desperation in his voice—a raw and anguished pleading that she hadn’t heard since the night he told her about SKALS. Even worse was the damp shimmer of tears building in his eyes, and the way he couldn’t even bring himself to look at her as his proud stance slumped in defeat.
Flinging her napkin aside, she scrambled to the other side of the ottoman and wrapped her arms around him. Sebastian gathered her in a fierce embrace, his hold crushing as the hard lines of his body strained against hers.
“Sebby….please stop tearing yourself apart. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. We will get through this, and I will do whatever I can to hold us together. I promise.”
“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “How could I ask you or our baby to carry my name when this is the legacy I’d be handing you?”
She ran her hands over his face, trying her best to smooth away the heartbreak stamped across his noble features. “I don’t care about that, Sebastian.”
“I do,” he said, his voice breaking. After a moment, he pulled back and shut down the brief show of emotion with a forceful sniff. “A man is defined by his actions, Taylor. I want there to be something more to my story. Something meaningful. I don’t want my entire legac
