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My mouth had fallen open while he spoke. His tone was firm, but there was sadness in his voice that burrowed into my heart and made me sad too. He stepped around me toward the door.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” I pleaded. “I am on your side – ”
“Spare me, babe,” he said as he turned back to me. “Take the time you need, and let me know what you decide. This isn’t an ultimatum; I just need to know that we’re on the same page, because by protecting yourself, you’re fucking me over. And I put it all out there for you. I don’t hold anything back. Now I’m the one who’s fucked.”
Those words sent stabbing pain through my chest. Hurting David was the last thing I wanted to do, and I had done it too many times. I wondered at the look on my face, because he walked back over and gently took my chin in his hand.
“Did you eat?” he demanded softly.
“What?”
“You promised, when I tried to make you breakfast, that you would have a big lunch.”
I sighed. This was his concern? “I will eat now.”
He placed a kiss on my lips and then pulled back. “I love you. Okay?”
I bit my lower lip painfully hard to hold in tears. “Okay, baby.”
He nodded and left.
CHAPTER 13
HEELS CLICKING AGAINST THE CONCRETE perforated my thoughts. I glanced down the hallway to see Gretchen approaching. “Aren’t my roommates home?” she asked when she spotted me sitting outside her apartment.
“Oh, maybe. I didn’t knock.”
“Come on,” she said, unlocking the door. “You look homeless.”
I smiled unwillingly and followed her inside. She immediately disappeared to make tea. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked from the kitchen. When I didn’t answer, she reappeared and handed me a mug. “What happened, Liv?”
“Bill came by my office today.”
“And?”
“He kissed me.”
Her eyes became unusually large for someone discovering that a husband had kissed his wife. I looked down and continued. “It was different. We were both very . . . present. But still, nothing like kissing David.”
She snorted. “I bet not. Pretty sure kissing someone as smoking hot as David burns the best way possible.”
I looked back at her because she was right. There was nothing like it in the world. “Bill said some things I can’t ignore.”
She fell onto the couch next to me, and her eyebrows met. “Like what?”
“Basically that David is doing what he does best, playing me. And when he’s done, he’ll toss me aside and I’ll have no one.”
“What did David say to that?”
I looked into my mug. “We didn’t talk about it. I need to figure out how I feel before we do.”
“Jesus, girl. You have to talk to
him. Don’t make the same mistakes with him that you did with Bill.”
“You don’t understand. I eat up everything David says because I want so badly to believe it. But what if Bill is right? What if David is only doing what he knows?”
“You’re being too hard on him. Do you think he buys every woman a house?”
“I know he loves me,” I conceded. “But for how long? Until someone else catches his eye?”
“Why not give it a chance?” Her tone was exasperated. “What harm can come from trying?”
I looked at her sadly. “I’m in so deep, Gretchen. What I’ve done to Bill will pale in comparison to what David does to me when he leaves.”
“First, you don’t know he’s leaving, so don’t talk like that. Second, that’s what love is. Risk. Faith. It’s fucking scary.” When I didn’t answer, she continued. “You already made the leap. What’s holding you back from David, sweetie?”
“It’s just that Bill made some reasonable points. Is it really smart to give up a life with him, only to have this thing with David end when he decides it’s finished?”
“You really can’t know that. That’s where the faith comes in.”
“He called me heartless. Bill did. Like, he literally thinks I am cold and heartless.”
“Do you think you’re cold?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe.”
“Does David think so?”
I shook my head. “He thinks I’m warm. He gets me. But at the end of the day, I don’t think David really knows what he’s getting into. He’s a bachelor one day and the next he’s asking me to divorce my husband and move in with him? He doesn’t realize what a commitment that is.”
“He asked you to move in?”
“Yes.”
“If that’s what scares you, why don’t you try dating a while before moving in together? Slow things down?”
“Have you met him?” I asked. “It’s like all or nothing with him.”
She smiled. “I think it’s romantic.”
I blushed, thinking that I agreed. “Bill wants me to come back. He said he’ll try harder.”
She blinked at me and shook her head, seemingly in awe. “Let me ask you something,” she started, “could you really go back to Bill after this weekend with David? Do you even want to?”
Counseling, Bill had suggested. It was a viable option. No, it was a great option. But I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would never reach the level of intimacy with Bill that I had during my short time with David. Just in one bath, I’d opened more to David than I maybe ever had to Bill.
The doorbell jarred me from my thoughts. Gretchen was still staring at me, but she blinked. “I’ll be right back,” she said, standing.
I settled into the couch and warmed my hands with the mug until she returned.
“That was a delivery service. They dropped this off,” she said, handing me a heavy brown paper bag. I peered inside and pulled out my duffel bag. There was an unsigned note with David’s handwriting scrawled across it.
To get you through the next few days
I found three work outfits inside, along with fresh undergarments and some toiletries. I hugged the note to my chest and smiled sadly.
“Did David send this stuff?” Gretchen asked, looking into my bag. “Um, that is so thoughtful.”
My smile fell when I thought about him gathering and packing everything for me.
