Page 72 of Broken Chords

Chapter Thirty-Three

Caesura:break, stop; a complete break in sound

Damian

It takes everything in me not to wrench the door open and call Charlie back. There were cracks in her mask. Tells that deep emotion swirled under her outward calm.

But I don’t know if she’s more upset about being found out or me sending her away.

And what about the way she acted like nothing was wrong when I said I needed time and she went back to the party? I saw her laugh with someone seconds after she looked like she was on the verge of tears.

Who does that?

And how?

I shake my head, taking my glasses off and pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes.

The way she can turn that on and off like flipping a light switch is too much for me. I have limits, and Charlie’s life and the crazy that goes with it is beyond them.

I saw what dating a star did to Gabby. I can’t do the same thing—quit school and go on tour with her. That’s not the kind of music I do. And while I’m happy for Gabby, as she’s obviously happy with her choices, I have no desire to change my focus. I love the cello. And I love the music I play.

Switching off the lights, I fall onto the bed.

It doesn’t matter, anyway. I sent her away. She’s not coming back. I can’t bring myself to go after her.

Tomorrow I’ll go home. And I’ll spend the rest of Christmas break preparing for my recital and competitions next semester. I’m used to relegating my feelings for someone to a compartment in the back of my mind. Now it’s time to do that with my feelings for Charlie.

Because no matter what I implied to her, they’re still burning as fiercely as they were before the reception changed everything I thought I knew. I just can’t act on them anymore.

Seeing her next semester will be awful. I’ll have to barricade those feelings as firmly as I can. Stuff them down. Keep them locked away. Maybe they’ll fade with time.

Maybe she won’t come back, and it won’t be an issue.

My stomach turns at the thought of not seeing her again. But really, it would be easiest. It worked to get over Adriana. Hopefully time and distance will work its magic on my feelings for Charlie, too.