Page 124 of Torch Songs

“I trust myself to pay Livvy back, to be a part of her family, not to let your sister down.” His voice dropped, because sex was still private. “Not to hurt you when we… uhm….”

“Yeah,” Tad said, stroking the outside of his arm.

“That.”

“That.”

They were quiet then, and Guthrie’s eyes started to close.

“We should get up,” Tad said, surprising him into blinking.

“Why?” Oh God, what had he forgotten?

“April’s going to be home any minute, and she’s going to make sounds even the cats can’t hear when she sees you back.”

As though summoned by thoughts and prayers alone, they heard the rumble of Tad’s SUV down the long driveway. Guthrie and Tad laughingly rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom to wash up before Tad made Guthrie put on his pajama pants and a new fleece sweatshirt.

“The stuff in my knapsack was clean,” Guthrie mumbled, noting that he had an entire underwear drawer to himself, and socks as well.

“The stuff in your knapsack needs to be buried in the backyard or set on fire,” Tad laughed.

“Except for your hoodie,” Guthrie said soberly, picking it up from where it had fallen to the floor.

“Yeah,” Tad said fondly. “That we’re keeping—”

And then the door opened, and April cried, “Oh my God is that new truckGuthrie’s!” and the two of them tumbled out of the bedroom to greet her.

Their lives together would be busy and even a little crowded, but as Guthrie embraced a sniffling April, who wouldn’t stoppatting his shoulder and practically sat in his lap as he told her about his trip, he caught Tad’s eye.

Tad smiled gently and said, “I’m making hot chocolate. We’re gonna be up a while.”

Busy was okay, Guthrie thought, watching him. They could do busy. Guthrie would do a lot to have the people he loved around him, and now he knew how much that could be.

And so did the man he’d marry someday, the man who trusted him to be that guy like Guthrie trusted Tad.

All the love songs in the world boiled down to this. To know your family would be there, a gathering of love and kindness in the dark, a light in the window, people to listen to you sing.

Guthrie wondered what sort of music he could make now that he knew this, and the world opened up in his heart.