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It had been after my high school graduation. I'd gone to a big party with a bunch of people from my class. Someone had rented a hotel room and there were probably 60 people shoved into a suite at the local Holiday Inn. Dancing and drinking and making out, until the hotel shut it down and told everyone that wasn't on the guest list that they had to leave or the hotel was going to call the cops.
Kids scurried out of that hotel like cock roaches. I had been doing shots of vodka and some knock off brand of energy drink that tasted more like cough syrup than it should have and I was feeling pretty good. I couldn't call Mom and Dad. They weren't stupid, but they didn't approve of underage drinking. I would get a hell of a lecture. Not to mention, it was barely even midnight! I was feeling good and wasn't ready for my party to end.
So I called Erik. I knew he'd come get me, I knew he'd take me back to his place and we'd play video games and he'd probably even let met keep drinking.
Erik came to get me in his roommate's truck. Which was a good thing because I was pretty drunk and probably wouldn't have been able to sit straight on the back of the bike. "NO puking!" He laughed as he helped me into the passenger side, "Brad will have a total shit fit if you throw up in his truck, so if you need me to pull over make sure you tell me!"
I nodded my understanding and giggled as he pulled the seatbelt across my chest and buckled next to my hip. As the strap crossed my shoulder, his hand brushed my breast. I suddenly sobered significantly. I felt the bolt of electricity shooting through me where he'd touched me hardening my nipples against the tight fabric of the tank top I was wearing while a throbbing heat moved through my insides, dampening my panties as I thought how it would feel to have his hands on my skin.
All the way back to his place he laughed and teased me about being drunk. His roommates weren't home, Brad worked nights. He usually got a ride with a co-worker so Erik would be able to use the truck if he needed it. Jason was on some sort of epic backpacking trip.
Erik called Mom and Dad to let them know where I was so they wouldn't worry, then he asked if I wanted a drink.
We sat on the living room floor, leaning against the couch, drinking vodka and cranberry juice. I was too drunk to handle the controls for his game system and I kept dying so he put in a movie that we ignored while we drank and talked.
Everything about the memory of that night still brings a smile to my lips. Everything up to the point where it all went terribly wrong. I looked down at the postcards and my eyes went out of focus.
I knew it was a bad idea when I did it, but I couldn't stop myself. We had been talking about my last boyfriend at the time and how he had broken up with me and told me I was ugly. Erik had looked me right in the eye and told me how beautiful I was and to never let another boy convince me otherwise.
That's when I did it. Maybe it was the vodka, maybe it was the way his deep brown eyes felt like he could see straight into my soul when he looked at me. Maybe it was the thickness that crept into his voice when he told me I was beautiful, making me think that it was something he felt too. That he shared my secret fantasy. That he wanted me too.
It started out just like a teenage romance movie, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his and he didn't back away. He leaned in. He leaned in and he opened his lips and for a minute he kissed me so passionately I thought my heart would explode out of my chest with joy.
His hand moved to cradle the side of my face as his tongue penetrated my mouth and explored my lips. I moved closer to him, giving him freer access to my body as he pushed closer to me till his chest was pressed against mine, knocking me backwards, pinning me against the floor.
I had been a virgin. Secretly, I had been saving myself for exactly this moment, hoping for the opportunity to offer myself to him. Thinking it was the greatest gift I had to offer, the best way I could convince him of how much I loved him.
The blur of vodka and energy drink gave way to the blur of my excitement as heat built pressure between my legs, my pussy lips throbbing as his hand moved down to stroke my aching folds.
My fingers combed through the long curls as they fell down around my face. I moved my hands from his hair to his broad shoulders, savoring the combination of textures, the powerful muscles flexed in his back as he held himself above me and the hard angles of bone. I ran my hands down his back, over the firm muscles of his ass and back up again.
I helped as he tugged my panties off and spread my knees wider apart so he could settle himself between my thighs as I opened myself to him. He slipped his fingers through my wetness and slid them in and out of me as I reached down to free his erection from the soft flannel pajama pants he was wearing.
It was all so awkward and so tender. Our kiss was never broken as he pushed the silken head of his turgid cock against the tightness of my opening. It took some pressure to force himself past my virginity and I gasped slightly into his mouth. He went slow and slid himself all the way into me, then he held himself firmly against me. He turned his head slightly to pant against my cheek with his eyes shut tightly as he held on to me, as if I might not be real and could disappear out from under him in a heartbeat.
But it had been real. I remember thinking it too, he was real and he was really deep inside me and as he held me closely for that moment the brief sting of pain subsided and was replaced by a sensation of fullness that was more satisfying than any of the masturbatory daydreams I had entertained of this moment. I felt my body relax around him and then I was overcome with the need to move, I began to arch my back, trying to pull him deeper inside me.
It was then that his mouth resumed its desperate hunger against mine as he pulled back, making me whimper against his tongue's continued exploration of my mouth before he pushed back into me and then again. And then again. Until we were moving against each other in a matched rhythm, hip to hip, breathing into each other's mouths, the hard, muscled flesh of his chest beating against the soft roundness of my breasts, our sweat mingled and glistening between us in the soft glow of light from the forgotten television until I felt something new sweeping over me, crashing over me and carrying me high into space before I felt the walls of my tunnel begin to spasm around him. Before it was over, I felt his grip on me tighten, our endless kiss was finally broken as we both gasped for our own breath. I felt his cock expand within me and then he was burying his face against my neck as he let out a long moan while thrusting one final t
ime into me.
We had laid together for a long time. Not speaking, just stroking each other's hair and skin and kissing until we fell asleep in each other's arms.
I thought that night meant something to him. I thought it was the beginning of a new relationship, that we would face the obstacles before us as a team. As a couple.
The next morning he was gone when I woke up.
His roommate drove me home.
Erik wouldn't return my texts, my emails, my calls. One day the following week, I came home from my shift at work and found the Honda in the driveway, loaded up like he was leaving forever. If only I'd known he actually was! I found him in the kitchen with Mom and Dad, they looked sad and worried but they were all in a good mood. Mom hugged Erik and told him to make sure he let her know when he "got there" and then Erik walked past me and out the door. I ran after him and stood beside him as he made some efforts to secure his worldly belongings on the bike and I begged him to talk to me.
"You're leaving?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah, Kelse, I gotta go."
"Where? When are you coming back?"
"Don't know." He settled into the leather seat and turn to look at me as he fastened the strap on his helmet, "Don't worry 'bout it, 'k?"
I wasn't sure what he meant. Worry about what? The making love part? Or his going away part?
I had stood there staring at him as I tried to comprehend what was happening, not knowing what to say or how to convince him not to leave. He finally gave me half a smile as the bike roared to life, "Take care of them. I'll see ya sometime." And he was gone. Rolling out of our driveway and down the street just as Mom came out with her camera.
Back to reality here in the present, I wrapped a rubber band around the postcards and put the pile in the box marked "keep." I wasn't sure who I was keeping them for. Maybe Erik would want them someday. If I ever saw him again.
***
I stared nervously around me as I stood at the door of the chapel and greeted relatives and friends of my parents. Richard paced in the small courtyard just outside, his phone glued to his ear as he tried to solve the world's problems by remote.
