Page 127 of Heal Me

I quickly go to the closet and start gathering my clothes. Among other things I notice a grey hoodie, his grey hoodie, I wore it all the time. Danylo left it for me. As a reminder.

I take all my things except that one hoodie, it doesn't belong to me. Not anymore.

I remember that I lost my watch somewhere, maybe it is here, so I go to the bedside table and sit on my tiptoes. I never opened the one on his side. The probability that the watch is there is small, but I still check and open it.

Unfortunately, there is no watch there, but I notice some tattered notebook and involuntarily pick it up.

It is of medium size, the date of manufacture is visible on the cover “2018”.

My heart sinks, I remind myself that I don't have the right to read it, I don't have the right to take other people's things in my hands, but I can't stop myself when I read the first lines.

11th November 2018

That day became my worst nightmare. That day, I ruined the destinies of at least two people.

I was drunk, I shouldn't have got into the car with Timur, but something inside took over me and I felt invulnerable. And so it was, I escaped with only a few injuries, and he lost his life.

And she lost him.

When I first saw her in the hospital, it was hard to recognise her as a happy girl. Her eyes are bruised, her face is emaciated, but her teary green eyes are matched by long dark hair. She looked like an angel, although she acted like the complete opposite.

That day, I met another person who helped me move on.

Her brother.

Sebastian was an exact copy of that little girl. The same plump red lips and a small nose. I didn't know why he came to my ward, I thought he wanted to kill me.

"You took his life, but you saved her," he said quietly and pushed a chair to my bed.

If he had known how much I hated myself at that moment, if he had known that the therapist thought I was suicidal, he would never have spoken to me.

But he didn't know, so we became best friends.

I'm suffocating.

I don't have enough air to breathe.

My head spins.

I breathe hard and look around. It was all a lie. Every second of our acquaintance. Every day spent. Every kiss. All.

I know I should stop, but I read on.