Page 121 of For the Win

After a moment, I look at him.Our eyes meet.

“Shit,” Ash says.“Mom’s pretty smart.”

I often know what Ash is thinking without him saying it.He’s thinking that maybe he was afraid, too.So he didn’t even try.“Yeah,” I finally say.“She is.”I pause again.“Dad was pretty awesome about it.Even though I wasn’t sure he even understood what was going on.”

“He has his moments.”

“Yeah.”I exhale harshly.“It really sucks.”

“I know.”

“It’s so hard seeing him not able to drive anymore.Not being able to hold a conversation, sometimes.Being confused.”

“Fuck.”Ash leans his head back.“I know.I hate it.I feel like...he’s already died.”

“Sometimes it’s not him.It’s like...his body is aging, but his mind is getting younger...like a child.”My eyes burn and I scrub a hand across them.“What the hell are we going to do without him?”

“We’ll do what we have to do.We don’t have a choice.”Ash’s quiet wisdom calms me.

“Yeah.I guess that’s true.We can’t be him.”I pause.“But we can our best selves.”