Page 33 of Nyanine's Divide

Maybe it would have been better if we’d never come. Jeff would be alive if we were on our mission to Enceladus. He would be taking samples and enjoying his favorite thing: space. We’d both be alive and as safe as could be. Instead, I let him get shot. What have I done?

Kosiiba slips an arm over my shoulder, and I crumble. I fall to my knees, him dropping with me to catch me and hold me as I weep. I caused this, I did this, and now my best friend, my only human family left in the universe, is going to die because of me. Maybe my family was right, and I am just a useless, good-for-nothing nightmare who brings bad luck. And now, all I can do is sit around and wait to see if he survives. Maybe I deserve to lose him, maybe this is the universe teaching me a lesson.

“Stop it, Kari, stop catastrophizing. Look, he got hurt, yes, it was to get at you, but you aren’t responsible. You didn’t pull the trigger. You helped him, you loved him, you brought him here to find a mate and love and a new purpose in life. You helped him more than you know. Don’t let the Devil convince you otherwise. This is his plan, remember, to break you.” I look up into Kosiiba’s eyes as he murmurs to me, and I find tears in his as well. He’s hurting because of me, he feels my pain, he’s heard my thoughts. They must have been loud….

“Take the time to grieve and care for him, but don’t let this bastard win and break you. The Guardians said you’d have to handle sacrifices and pain, but you’ll come out of this. Find that strength in you and hold on. You’ll get through this.”

I nod and cuddle back against his chest, letting my tears fall as I stare at Jeff’s prone form on the bed. Willa is still weeping in Vahru’s arms, and I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t look right now. I know he and I both feel this pain between us, he may have even heard some of my thoughts, but I can’t get lost in this. Like Kosiiba said, I have a purpose, I will get through this, and to keep my strength, I can’t let my grief overwhelm me. I need to release what I can, stand back up, and fight like hell.

This isn’t over, and when I find you, Devil, it’s you and me, fucker.

The End. For now.