Page 30 of Fight or Flight
The dogs followed Royce down the steps. Katherine stopped for a minute, still holding the bags. “I can’t believe this,” she said out loud to herself. Shaky but able to tolerate it, she took both bags into the kitchen. Giddy at this major accomplishment, she still felt the urge to tell someone about her progress. If she felt comfortable enough, she would tell Tyler Newlon that night.
She put the few items away and thought about the evening ahead. It’d been so long since she’d had a date . . . coming up on a decade. Would she still know how to have a normal conversation with a man? Most of her conversations were those she created for her characters and on the Friendlink page. Of course she talked to Doc, but it was usually about her dogs. She stayed current on world events, though she knew very little about the city of Blowing Rock, only what she read online. Never having traveled downtown since her arrival, she would check out the local artisans online and purchased many of her household items from them. The pots she grew her herbs in and the handmade rugs scattered throughout the house had all been made locally. She’d purchased much of her wall art from nearby artists via the Internet. She’d personally thank each vendor someday.
After her small attempt at making a change, she now had more hope than ever for treating her agoraphobia. She would ask Tyler to begin treatment as soon as possible, though Katherine had to admit she was leery about Tyler digging too deep. For as long as she could remember, she’d had weird dreams; she couldn’t put an exact word to them other thandark. Maybe there was something she wanted, needed to remember, yet couldn’t. Whatever the cause, she did not want a psychiatrist picking her brain apart like a wild animal picking at a carcass.
Her cell phone rang, bringing her thoughts back to the present.
“Hello! Think I found a gal to help you,” Doc Baker said. “She’s retired CIA. Has connections everywhere.”
Dumbfounded, Katherine asked, “As in Central Intelligence Agency?”
“Yes, the one and only, as far as I know. She’ll need your computer, and of course, she’ll want to meet with you,” he explained.
“Would I be presumptuous to ask how you know her?”
“Yep,” he said, “you would.”
That was Doc, succinct as ever. “Then I won’t. How do I contact her?”
“I’m going to bring her to your house, that’s how.”
He must’ve told this woman about her condition, which was starting to embarrass her. “I appreciate this, Doc. If it weren’t important, I wouldn’t ask.”
“You’re good with me, kid. I do what I can.”
“I know, Doc. Thanks. For all that you’re doing for me. So, when do I get to meet this CIA—former CIA—agent?”
“Tomorrow afternoon, when I come to pick up my cake,” he said, adding, “By the way, her name is Ilene Silva.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ll add an extra layer for both of you.” Katherine felt sure Doc was more than friends with this Ilene Silva; she’d heard the change in his voice when he said her name. At least she hoped that were the case, for Doc’s sake.
“Sounds good. Now get yourself all gussied up for your date tonight. We’ll talk later.”
Katherine couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard the term “gussied up.” If he only knew how she’d hurried to order some cosmetics just for this purpose, he would have had one heck of a laugh. She returned to the kitchen and gathered up the cosmetics, taking them upstairs. It wouldn’t hurt to experiment. It’d been a long time since she’d applied makeup. She took the makeup from its plastic packaging, laying each item on the counter. “Here goes,” she said to her reflection in the mirror. She used the small brush provided in the blush compact and added a peachy color to her cheekbones. Leaning close to the mirror, she lined her eyelids with the brown liner, then used a Q-tip to smudge the line so it wouldn’t appear so stark, a trick she remembered from back in the day, when this was part of her normal routine. She coated her already dark lashes with mascara, then added the lipstick. She took a step back to look at herself.
“Not bad,” she said, then twisted her hair into a version of a chignon. This was not the frightened woman who couldn’t step outside without fear. This was the version of herself that she used to be. Yes, she had silver streaks in her hair and saw a few fine lines around the corners of her eyes, but she hadn’t aged that much, given the stress she’d been through. “Self-inflicted,” she said to the image in the mirror. Feeling more confident by the minute, she left the makeup on, though she’d shower, wash her hair, and redo the makeup later this evening before Tyler arrived.
Back downstairs, she checked her email again to see if she’d received anything from Karrie. Nothing. Texas was an hour behind North Carolina, so if Karrie were at school, she’d probably be having lunch now. The girls logged onto Friendlink numerous times throughout the school day, yet when she switched to the fan page, not a single girl was online. HotandCool was skipping classes today. Odd that she wasn’t on. She could be in class now, and her earlier talk of skipping was just that. Talk. Katherine found this odd, but hoped the girls were in a classroom where they belonged. Still, they all had cell phones and used themduringclass. She clicked out of the page. She’d check back later, before she started preparing dinner for Tyler.
She kept the computer on. The volume was still set to max, so she would hear if she received an email. Katherine didn’t want to miss any emails from Karrie. She was worried about her, and she admitted to herself that she was also a little bit frightened by her. She crossed her fingers, hoping that Karrie was being overly dramatic about her relationship with her father. Having had a distant relationship—if you could even call it that—with her own father, Katherine understood better than most how a parent’s neglect could destroy one’s self-esteem. If Karrie were being honest about the physical abuse, she was destined for severe emotional harm and a future filled with a lack of trust. She might be unable to maintain a healthy relationship with men or women when she was older. Katherine knew this from the years of therapy she’d had after her parents were killed. At the time, she’d felt guilty that she hadn’t felt their loss more, and didn’t grieve as most would have after losing their parents in such a tragic way. Now she knew she had been in shock for a long time after losing them. Also, she recalled how attentive her father’s assistant was at that time. Katherine remembered how she’d wailed like a banshee at the funeral. She remembered being so embarrassed, tucking her chin to her chest to avoid eye contact.
Katherine hadn’t thought about that period of her life in a long time. Maybe it was another subject she needed to share with Tyler. Regardless, she felt she needed to keep in contact with Karrie. If it turned out she’d been exaggerating, then “Darby” would call her a dirty name, which would be the end of it. But what if her suspicions turned out to be true? What if Tracie was Karrie’s mother? And Audrey her grandmother? Then why would Karrie’s father call Katherine a bitch? She had no idea who he was, and she hoped he didn’t know her true identity. Sighing, she forced herself to put all that out of her mind so she could enjoy the date tonight.
Katherine returned to the kitchen to prep for dinner. Sam and Sophie were curled up on their favorite rugs, each lifting their head when they saw her, then plopping back into their original positions. She’d left the door open, so they must be tired, hanging out there when their plush beds were much more comfortable than a kitchen rug.
“You two are tuckered out, huh?”
Sophie gave a soft growl and closed her eyes. Sam resumed sleeping, his snoring causing Katherine to grin. It was unusual for them to be this tired at this time of day, so she guessed their outside adventures had been more exhausting than usual.
Katherine gathered the supplies she would need for her creamed potatoes from the pantry. She also took out green peas from the freezer, courtesy of Doc’s trip to their local farmer’s market last week, and placed them in a small bowl to thaw. She hoped Tyler didn’t expect anything too fancy. Later, she might dazzle him with an elaborate meal if this turned into something more than a doctor-client relationship. Katherine put the reins on her wild thoughts. Nothing would work out if she didn’t overcome her irrational fear of leaving her house. But she had made some progress today, and wasn’t that a step in the right direction? She took the potatoes, washed and peeled several, then dropped them into a pot of water. She added a lid so that she only needed to hit the digital panel on her stove when it was time.
She glanced at the clock on her cell phone and saw it was about time for school to let out. She went to her computer and logged onto the Friendlink fan page. No one was there, not even Walter. Had she accidentally blocked them when she’d changed the settings? Clicking into her moderator’s handle, she rechecked her settings. Just as she’d expected, there were no blocks for the five members she’d kept. Had Karrie tried to contact her by phone? She would have her number from their call last night.
Hurrying upstairs for the disposable phone she’d used, she saw no calls. She crammed the burner phone in her pocket just in case. Katherine could not get this girl out of her head. Unable to pinpoint exactly why, she forced herself to instead think of the evening ahead. Her heart raced a little, her throat tight, a sure precursor of a panic attack. After a few deep breaths, she felt calmer and in control of her body and mind.
“I can do this,” she said out loud, returning to the kitchen. Both dogs perked up when they saw her. Grabbing their treat container, she led them to the French doors. “Go,” she commanded. They ran outside to their happy place.
Waiting by the door with their treats and feeling especially brave, she stepped out onto the deck. Her heartbeat increased, and her mouth felt dry. She fought against the uncomfortable physical sensations. Using her breathing technique, she took a deep gulp of cool mountain air. After another breath, she felt almost nothing. Walking to the edge of the large deck, she saw both dogs digging. “No!” she called, dreading the mess they’d track in. They would probably both need to be bathed.
