Page 94 of A Win-Win Situation
He reaches out a hand, as if to offer some form of comfort, but I quickly pull it back, creating some space between us instead. I can't allow myself to be pulled back into his web of manipulation and broken promises.
My phone dings again with two new messages from Lucas. He’s worried and I feel like shit, but before I can respond, my phone dies.Just my damn luck. Why is this happening?
"I'm sorry for what I did to you," John says, his voice tinged with desperation. "But I still love you, Leora. I never stopped loving you."
At those words, my eyes snap back to his. The sincerity in his voice momentarily catches me off guard, but I quickly remind myself of the countless nights I spent crying and the sleepless nights I spent wondering why I wasn't enough for him. Love shouldn't come at the cost of my own happiness and well-being.It shouldn’t break me down to a minuscule version that does everything to fit his mold.
"I've changed, I promise. I know how much I hurt you, and I was wrong. I don't know why I even did it," John pleads, his voice filled with remorse.
I pause for a moment, contemplating his words. Part of me wants to believe that people can change, that he could be sincere in his remorse, and that there’s a future for him. But deep down, I know that the issues in our relationship run deeper than just the act of cheating.
"Do you think your only mistake was cheating?" I ask.
His brows are furrowed as he nods. "I was lost. We weren’t in the best place and I was looking for something I thought I couldn’t find with you. But I was a coward. I didn't look hard enough."
I let out a bitter chuckle, shaking my head in disbelief. "John, blaming our relationship problems solely on me is a cop-out. Yes, we were going through a rough patch, but instead of communicating and working through it together, you chose to seek fulfillment elsewhere. That was your decision, not mine."
I take a deep breath, my voice steady but filled with determination. "I refuse to be held responsible for your choices and actions. I refuse to accept the blame for your lack of commitment and loyalty. It wasn't just about the cheating, it was about how you made me feel, as well as the lack of respect and attention in our relationship. It was about the emotional neglect and the constant feeling of being second best." I meet his gaze squarely, my eyes reflecting a mix of disappointment and what I hope is strength. "Relationships require effort, honesty, and trust from both sides, and you failed to uphold your end of the bargain."
"I never disrespected or neglected you." He’s defensive, but I can see a tiny hint of realization in his eyes.
And desperation.
I maintain my composure, determined to express my truth. "John, maybe you didn't realize it at the time, but the way you prioritized other aspects of your life over our relationship made me feel neglected. The constant feeling of being an afterthought took a toll on me emotionally."
He leans back in his chair, his expression a mix of contemplation and denial. "I’m sorry you felt that way, Leora. I had my own struggles and my own ambitions, and I thought I could balance it all."
"Being sorryIfelt a certain way is not an apology, John. Take responsibility." I pause, allowing my words to sink in and hoping he truly comprehends the gravity of my statement. For a moment, I sense a glimmer of understanding. But as quickly as it appears, it fades into defensiveness.
"I did the best I could, Leora. I never meant to hurt you."
I shake my head, unable to accept his excuses any longer. "Your best wasn't enough, John. It's time for you to acknowledge that and move on."
His shoulders slump with resignation. "I guess I can't change the past."
"No, you can't," I respond, firmly. "I deserve someone who values me enough to be faithful and who is willing to put in the effort to make our relationship work. I deserve more than just empty apologies and promises. And I'm not willing to settle for anything less."
"You mean with your new‘husband.’" He uses his fingers to emphasizehusband.
I stiffen a little at his words, my mind going to Lucas. "Yes, with my husband. I’ve moved on."
"I don’t believe you."
I meet his skeptical gaze with unwavering determination. "Believe what you want, John. But the truth remains that I've found happiness with Lucas."
A flicker of doubt crosses his face, as if he's grappling with the idea that I've truly moved on.
"We’re not going to get anywhere with this John, and I have a dinner to get to." I try to rise up but before I’m able to stand, his hand flies out, grabbing my wrist,hard.
I try to pull my hand away from his grasp, but he’s holding on to me too tightly and the way our skin is rubbing together is starting to hurt.
"John, let go of me." I hiss through gritted teeth. Feeling his grip tighten on my wrist, a mix of fear and frustration washes over me. I struggle to free myself from his hold, the pain becoming more pronounced with each passing moment.
"I apologized, Leora. I made a mistake. What more do you want from me?"
"Let mego, John," I grit out.
But he doesn't release his grip on me. His face contorts with desperation as he speaks. "We're not done talking, Leora. You can't just walk away from me like this."
