Page 17 of A Win-Win Situation
Atoxicrelationship, that is. At least that’s what Adeline has been preaching for the past fifteen minutes while we've been perched at this rooftop bar. The atmosphere pulsates with energy as a vibrant crowd dances to the beat of the music, but the energy doesn’t match mine today.
"Listen, Leora, John sucks and he was so toxic, you just didn’t see it before," Adeline says empathetically, setting her Aperol Spritz aside. Her words pull at something inside me, and I take another sip of my Gin and Tonic, willing myself to listen.
"She’s right," I hear Sophie chime in, her voice filled with sincerity. "You always deserved better." I can't help but push back slightly, still feeling a strange sense of loyalty to the man who had been my first love—my first everything. "You make it sound like he’s always been a bad person," I murmur. Thealcohol courses through my veins, clouding my judgment."No, we’re not saying that he was a bad person," Sophie reassures me, her eyes locking on to mine. "Just that you were too good for him."
A lump forms in my throat as I struggle to hold back tears. "He was my first and only love." My voice trembles, and I can sense an emotional storm brewing within me.
"Habibti, I understand that you feel protective over the good memories you shared, but please don’t defend him," Adeline says.
Fear gnaws at me as I whisper, "What if I never find another person again? What if he was my only chance at love?" Tears pool in my eyes and I avert my gaze from my friends, taking a long sip of my drink. I signal the bartender for another, even though I know I’ve probably had enough.
Sophie leans closer, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me into a comforting embrace. It's her warmth and sincerity that finally shatters the dam holding back my emotions.
"Don’t breathe air into that narrative. He wasn’t your person, honey. Believe me when I tell you that you will find him, and that man is going to treat you like the queen you are."
My voice quivers as I protest, "You can’t know that for sure."
Adeline's frustration shows in her next words as she sees my tears. "Yes, we do. Do you know how we know that?"
I shake my head, my curiosity piquing through my emotional haze.
Adeline continues with conviction, "You are, without a doubt, the most amazing person I've ever known. You're not just strong and ambitious; you're the most genuine friend anyone could ever hope for. Anyone who can't see that is the one losing out on something truly special."
I pause for a moment, the words sinking in, "So I did the right thing leaving him?"
"Yes," she responds. She studies me, and she must see a sliver of doubt lingering behind my eyes, because she asks, "What did he say when you got that award for best marketing rookie?"
I think back to that moment, remembering how excited I had been to share my success with John. A bitter taste fills my mouth as I recall his response. "He said . . . he said I got lucky. That anyone could have done it." I remember how disappointed I was when he didn’t applaud me or tell me I did well. But on the other hand, he was right. I did get lucky, and anyone at the company could have done it.
"What did he say to you when you wore that beautiful red dress to Monica's wedding?" Adeline prods, her voice filled with concern.
I take a deep breath, recalling that day when I felt so confident in the stunning red dress I had chosen. My voice trembles as I recount his words, "That the dress made it look like I was trying too hard and that a bold color like red didn’t suit me."
Adeline adds to the growing list of grievances, her voice firm yet gentle. "And what about when you wanted to pursue that dream job in London? What did he say then?"
I swallow hard, the bitterness of that memory still fresh. "He said it was foolish to think I could succeed there and that I should just settle for something here, close to him, where there was a bigger chance forhimto succeed."
Just hearing myself repeat some of his words out loud and recounting the constant gaslighting churns my stomach.
I hate it.
I hate that I let him chip away at my strength.
I hate that I validated his feelings over mine.
I hate that I allowed myself to get lost and lose my spirit.
But, most of all, I hate that I surrendered pieces of my self-respect to such an extent that, some days, I didn't even recognize myself.
I used to be the happy-go-lucky girl, the one known for walking on clouds and always radiating with a bubbly spirit. Yet, over the past year, I feel like I've become bitter—as if the shadows of his toxicity had tainted the sunshine within me. Tears slowly run down my face, unchecked, as Sophie and Adeline wrap their arms around me in a warm, comforting embrace. Their hugs are tight, grounding me in their support, and I feel a sense of safety I haven't experienced in a long time. It's as though their arms are a shield, protecting me from the lingering doubts and insecurities that John has left behind.
I sniffle, feeling the warmth of them enveloping me like a lifeline. "I'm sorry, girls. I'm ruining our night out."
Sophie pulls away slightly to look me in the eyes. "Leora, you're not ruining anything. We're here for you, through the good and the bad. That’s what friends are for, remember?"
Adeline nods in agreement. "That's right. We're here to help you heal, and sometimes that means sharing the pain. You're not alone in this."
I sit up, wiping away my tears with a grateful smile. "You two are the best friends a girl could ask for."
