Page 26 of The Cost of Corruption
You’re not my father.
My private life is none of your business.
But I didn’t say any of that.
Maybe it was the pressure of his having his half-naked body so near or the fact that there was nowhere I could turn my head where I wasn’t bombarded with reminders of how I’d sprawled myself over him just hours before, but the truth tumbled out of my lips before I could stop it.
“Because I don’t know what I want,” I said in a rush.
“There it is.” Matteo gave a sigh. “The truth.”
“Everything was always chosen for me,” I explained. “From the moment I was born, other people decided what my life would be like. My opinion didn’t matter, sowantinganything was pointless.”
“But there had to be things you were curious about,” Matteo said, not giving me any space to breathe. “Things you desired.”
Yes, of course, there were.
I’d desired the hell out ofhim.
I’d wanted him from the moment I’d first spotted him in the halls of our strict catholic high school. Before I even fully knew everything that entailed. Before I’d realized just how wrong it was for me to have those kinds of feelings.
Naively, I’d believed that everyone understood that innocent kind of infatuation. But when I told my father about the butterflies that took flight in my stomach every time I caughtsight of his rival’s second-born son, he drew back his hand and smacked me hard across the face.
“Lust is a mortal sin, girl,” he’d shouted, loud enough to echo down the halls of our Brooklyn home. “I forbid you to look at Matteo D’Angelo ever again. If I find out you’ve even thought about him, I’ll send you away from New York and not let you back until you’ve fully repented.”
And that’s exactly what he’d done when he found that red bra my cousin had helped me pick out.
But those sinful thoughts had never gone away. Not completely. I’d just got better at hiding them.
Until now.
“How can you know that you’re truly called to a life of service and solitude unless you’ve had the chance to explore the other options?” he asked, his voice breaking the stranglehold that those dark memories had on me.
“You make it sound so simple.”
Not just simple but reasonable.
Up to this point, every doubt or concern I’d had was treated like some kind of damning heresy.
“That’s because it is,” Matteo said. “What would you say if I offered you a deal”
“What kind of deal?”
“You agree to stay here with me for two weeks,” he started.
“In this house?”
“In thisbedroom.” The carnal fire in his eyes rose up again, leaving no doubt about what he meant. “For two weeks, you can explore every whim, every secret desire that pops into your head.”
Oh God.
Just the suggestion was enough to cause the floodgates of restraint in my mind to crack and burst. My mind drowned withlustful thoughts as one indecent scenario after the other came roaring out.
My chest tightened, and I had to push through the tension to breathe in enough air to speak. “A-And at the end of two weeks?”
“You can choose which life you prefer,” he answered. “A holy or an earthly one.”
“What happens if I choose to become a nun?”
