Page 70 of Axton
“Your father was supposed to be in prison for twenty years. What did he do to be sentenced to life?” I asked, as I tried to control my emotions.
He glanced at me again as he worked. “Remember when I said my mother wasn’t faithful?”
I nodded my head.
“The man she was involved with that caused the fight that night, got into some trouble and was sentenced to thirty years in the same prison as my dad. As it turns out, he was a child sexual predator. My dad killed him in the prison cafeteria. My dad is a big man, and it only took one punch, and he was dead in an instant.
That could have been Michael. He was so much smaller but survived for a reason. God had a plan for him.
“Things are still strained with your mother?” I asked.
“When I was little and she would drink, I’d either be her very best friend, or her punching bag, not physically but mentally. She blamed me for my dad being sent away. She didn’t do that when she was sober though. I still see the woman she was when I look at her, and I wrote her off many years ago. She’s not here in Indiana with my blessing. Kayla brought her here a few months ago. I tolerate my mother, that’s about the best I can do. Just because she is sober doesn’t mean she stays out of trouble. She has a flare for the dramatic and tries very hard to insert herself into my life now. Now is not when I need her, I needed her when I was eight and Kayla deserved to have a mom when she was young. Thank God for Natalie because I don’t think I would have handled Kayla’s puberty well. Not only was I naïve about girls at the time, Kayla has always been very shy about her body.”
“I only stripped for a year. I wanted to try to support myself in law school and not rely so much on Mikey. I only quit because I became worried, somehow he would find out and kill someone for looking at me. I am very proud to report that I was not a naughty stripper, I only slept with one client and that was a well-known professional hockey player.”
I tried not to laugh through my tears about the things Kayla said only one day earlier. I already realized that Michael was in denial about his little sister.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Axton
It felt good not to have a care in the world. That was what it was like when I had her in my arms. The wood burning stove was flickering light into the room as she was on my lap. The room was dark except for the Christmas lights.
It was the eve before she was to become my wife. Earlier I told her that I loved dating her, and it was true. It was intense with us, but I liked things the way they were. Not only was I discovering her personality and little quirks, I was learning things about myself, just as she was.
I wasn’t a fool. I knew when people started dating there was a certain honeymoon period where things were exciting and new. What I didn’t know was if it stayed so exciting and fun after the honeymoon period. I also didn’t know how long that lasted because Creed and Irons seemed to grow happier with time.
Things I learned about myself in just two days of officially dating Belle. First of all, I didn’t know someone could make me laugh so hard about the most innocent things. I never knew that coming home from work every day could be the highlight of my day. I was an affectionate person, that one was a shocker. I loved just making out and not rushing off to bed for sex. My life before wasjust slam, bam, thank you ma’am. I had no clue that a woman could make me feel safe. Not physically, but emotionally. I lost all my trust in women because of Natalie and my mom, but not trusting Belle would have taken work. I learned it didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing, if I was with Belle, I was having the time of my life. Everything from a carriage ride, to shopping, decorating the house and just holding her made me genuinely happy. I could stand back and look at myself and see what was always laying beneath. Yes, I was a protector, a provider, a soldier, and a trustworthy friend, but I was a lot more. It was okay to need someone, to feel desperate for love, and Natalie didn’t ruin me. She may have caused parts of me to retreat, but they were always still with me, deep down inside. It was also okay to have dreams that were outside of Creed’s Lake. That I didn’t have to dedicate my entire life to what we built.
I held her in my arms as I watched the flames inside the window of the stove dance. I was the most relaxed I ever felt as we sat quietly enjoying the warm Christmas feel of the room.
Belle didn’t know it, but I wasn’t going to sleep with her. Nothing about what we were doing was about sex, not even kissing. It was that first kiss that made me a believer. Nothing in the world other than God could have aligned us together. She may not have believed her father’s prophecy, but I did. The man got a hell of a lot of things wrong, but that was because of his upbringing, and that didn’t mean he didn’t get a few things right. We may not have believed in the same God, but I always believed mine existed. I died then came back, fought my entire life to protect his most innocent, and he still brought Belle to me, despite my sins. Nothing ever felt as right as it did while I was basking in the peaceful moment of having her in my arms. I had the mark, and I was chosen to protect Belle. In order to do that, I needed to be free of my own sins. The things that kept me weigheddown, and that was protecting Natalie after she committed the greatest sin imaginable. I was protecting her memory, and to do that I was also protecting people that didn’t deserve it. Natalie never deserved the life she was given, but I didn’t deserve the way I punished myself all those years. The people that were hurt because I protected Natalie didn’t deserve the lives they were forced to live either.
“You’re Catholic.” She said.
“Non practicing.” I corrected her.
“What was it like?”
“Like being Christian.” I chuckled.
“That’s not what I mean. It’s a ritualistic religion, what rituals did you do?”
“I was baptized soon after I was born. Then I had to go to classes on Sundays before I could receive my first holy communion. I knew what receiving the holy sacrament of communion meant. I was taught prayers and went to mass on Sundays. There was a lot of sitting, standing, kneeling, and listening to the priest. I liked it, but mom became estranged from her family, and she never took us. I missed my confirmation because of that, but I think my situation made me depend on God a lot to survive. I prayed every night before bed until I was seventeen. I prayed a lot, actually, and made Kayla do the same. I may have lost my way for many years, but lately I think I can feel him again.”
She looked up at me and smiled before she pecked my lips. “I love that for you.”
“Maybe after lockdown I will start attending mass again. I fell into bad ways over the years. I began only turning to him when I was desperate or lost hope. I did it a lot in the war and when on missions.”
She pecked my lips again. “I love that for you too, but I’m not ready to trust religion again.”
“That’s perfectly understandable.” I pecked her lips.
We relaxed that way for another hour and Koty didn’t step out of his room one time. Not even to eat and that concerned me. Like it or not, he was my responsibility now that he lived with me.
She told me goodnight, but I wasn’t fooled. She would wait for me to fall asleep before she would sneak into my bed. I turned everything off, but stopped in front of Koty’s door. It was late but I took a chance and tapped on it.
“It’s open.”
