Page 128 of Axton
“I saw a lot of penises and none were as beautiful, large, and perfect as Michael’s. Not even the guy that got off by watching us.”
Kayla gagged out loud that time.
“What have we created?” Melissa asked. “I wasn’t even prepared to learn that Axton was that sexually aware, let alone sweet little Belle.”
“I don’t think sweet little Belle is as innocent as we thought.” Morgan was suspicious of me. “I bet Axton’s mind is blown. So, what about birth control? Has he finally talked you into it?”
“Just a condom at the club. He still respects my beliefs, other than that one time. I understood, he didn’t want me getting pregnant in front of another man or something.”
“Wait, you’re not on birth control?” Steph asked.
“No, I do still value some of my beliefs, one of which is to accept life as its given. We will be using the rhythm method for now, but if it’s God’s will then we will accept his blessings. Michael’s faith also asks us to have faith in the power of God’s will. Michael would like to wait a few years but will accept what we are given.” I explained.
“I am so confused.” Melissa said. “I’m not seeing where you’re still practicing any of your former beliefs, except that one.”
“I do not use birth control, do not eat meat on Sundays, I say a silent prayer before every meal, read one passage from the Bible every single day, and I also pray for forgiveness for the sins I have committed.”
“You know.” Melissa leaned in. “If you and Axton get bored, Drakos and I are always looking for new friends.” She winked.
“I thought we already were…”
“NO!” The other girls yelled at the same time.
“She doesn’t mean the regular kinds of friends.” Heidi warned me.
I scrunched my nose. “No thank you. We aren’t in the market for those kinds of friends.” I gagged internally. If we were it wouldn’t be anyone at Creed’s Lake. Our sexual exploration was over when it came to involving anyone else.
Friday evening, I was with Michael and Kayla on a commercial flight to West Virginia. We were about to help my husband face his past and I wished it was already settled. I knew he loved Natalie, and it was hard to hear her name so much. We were enjoying being newlyweds, but he had to put his past to rest, all of it.
We were there to watch their childhood home be demolished, then we had to go into Natalie’s old house to get her ashes. Michael wanted to take them to New York where Natalie wanted to live when she finally escaped the mountainside. As far as I was concerned, Natalie raped my husband then had the nerve to make her last wish something that tore him apart for many years. She wasn’t as nice or as wonderful as Kayla wanted to believe, and Michael didn’t want her to know otherwise. Just because Michael was in love with her didn’t give her the right to take what she did away from him.
Axton
Kayla and Belle were exploring on their own as I stood in my old front yard. The house was falling in and hadn’t been touched since my family left.
I looked down the street and saw a vision of a bright eyed, dimpled little boy walking his best friend home from school.
I turned and what was now an abandoned home across from ours had a caved in roof and I could still see the dirt around the dog house that once housed the meanest damn dog to everlive. He fought to get off those chains, just to mutilate those two children walking down the street, trying to pretend their lives were normal. I could still see that blond hair and those delicate arms wrapped around her books as we walked. Behind us was a tiny little brown-haired girl with green eyes and pigtails trying to keep up.
The old tire swing by the creek that ran directly behind our house still hung from that big tree. Images of pushing Natalie on it and feeling like the luckiest kid in the world to be able to be the only boy playing with her. I could almost hear the laughter and those few spared minutes I got to act like a kid.
I looked at the road where Natalie and Kayla once spray-painted hopscotch, then toward her house where children still in diapers played outside unsupervised, so Natalie would have to go home because they needed her to keep them safe.
Despite the misery, and desperation, there was still children’s laughter in the history of that old place. I stepped up on the porch and thought about the times I sat out there with Natalie and we dreamed about a brighter future.
I had to shove the front door that was barely on its hinges. It smelled like death inside and I covered my mouth and nose with my shirt. Seeing it after so many years was almost unreal. It was smaller than I remembered, and it was probably worse than I thought it was back in those days. I remembered a particular Christmas I worked so hard to give the girls, and the girls laughter when I chased them down to tickle them. The memories played like visions as I looked around. There was the sofa where I would cry as my drunk mother blamed me for my father going away. Then the wall I fell into and left a hole when my own dad hit me so hard my heart stopped. The hole was still in that wall.
My old bedroom door was open, so I took a few steps closer. Two kids laid in that bed, while one felt safer than ever in that boy’s arms.
I always feel safer with you.
I love you, Mikey, you’re my best friend.
I can’t stay every night. They’ll notice I’m gone eventually then come here looking for me. You don’t need that kind of trouble. I love you too much to bring my problems here.
Someday, all three of us will have nice warm homes, full bellies, and not feel scared all the time.
Someday, Michael Axton, you’re going to marry me.
