Page 32 of Peep
“I get it,” he whispers.
More silence follows, and I think fuck it; I want to hold him. I release his hand, puff my pillow, and lie on my side before tapping the spot next to me.
“Lie down, little lion. That’s enough talking for one night.”
“I-I can’t. Femi will be looking for me. I’m supposed to be working.”
“Shhh, five minutes. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Anders eyes dart to the door like he’s debating making a run for him. He’s silent for too long, and my gut twists in anticipation.
“It’s ok, you can leave, sorry,” I finally blurt out.
He fishes for his phone and types out a message. Placing the phone on the bedside table, he snuggles up against me like the perfect baby spoon I knew he’d always be.
“It’s ok. I told Femi Sanita’s drains are blocked again, and I’m sorting that out. It should buy me some time.”
My arm winds around him, dragging him impossibly close, and he chuckles.
“Bloody hell, I can’t breathe,” he teases, wiggling closer.
I nuzzle and nip at his neck, and he bursts into laughter. Who knew this grumpy little shit could be so sweet. I gently kiss along his neck and shoulders, not really wanting it to lead anywhere after what we’ve just discussed but basking in the unfamiliar intimacy. It’s been too long since I cuddled someone.
He exposes more of his neck, and I have the urge to mark him. I’ve definitely been reading too many vampire books. He’s fucking edible, though, and blood doesn’t bother me. I could definitely be a vamp.
We settle against each other; all I hear is our breaths and the thump of my heart in my ears. The pieces of our puzzle don’t quite fit, but I’d be willing to hack away at the edges until we slot together and make sense.
I lose myself in the warmth of his slender body, daydreaming about spending every evening like this.
“Jahmar, you said you do it for the victims and yourself. What happened to you?” Anders slices through the peaceful moment with a blunt knife.
Cold washes over me, and a heavy weight lands in my stomach. I thought I’d given him enough explanation for one night, but I let that little tidbit slip. Choosing the coward’s way out, I close my eyes and pretend I’ve not heard him. Thankfully, he lets it slide, and no more words are shared until he inevitably has to leave to return to work.
Twenty minutes wrapped up together wasn’t nearly enough. Now I’ve been exposed to his soft side; I’m going to need more. But I’m not sure how much of myself I’m willing to hand over in return.
Chapter 15
Anders
I’m running around my apartment like a headless chicken, ensuring everything’s immaculate. I even turn on the Christmas fairy lights I’ve been too lazy to take down and light one of those cheap, smelly candles that cause headaches.
Jahmar Walker is coming to my house.
He’s going to sit on my lumpy sofa, drink my shitty wine and eat my sad attempt at jerk chicken. I stole the recipe from Femi, although she was pretty vague about it. Her instructions consisted of ‘a little bit of this and a little bit of that.’ Shebadgered me for most of our last shift about who I was cooking Caribbean food for, and I almost confessed, but things between me and Jahmar are rocky.
Even though he’s opened up about his secret operation, I still feel like we’re balancing on a tightrope, just waiting to fall off in a tangle of broken limbs. This morally ambiguous web he’s somehow caught me in would have most people running for the hills. If I wrote down the concerns I have about starting a relationship with Jahmar, I’d have a ten-page document. But, do you think that’s gonna stop me? No.
Instead, I’m flapping around my apartment like I’m about to have my first kiss. Why the fuck did I think inviting him here for dinner and to ‘talk’ was a good idea? Every time I’m alone with him, I either end up horny or scared for my life, sometimes both. I hate to admit it, but I’m pretty sure the fear and thrill of all this gets me hard half of the time.
The doorbell rings, making my stomach violently roll like trainers in a tumble dryer. I rush to the door before panicking, turning around and blowing out the stinky fucking candle. Ruffling my slightly damp hair and checking my teeth in the mirror before sucking in a deep breath. This isn’t a big deal. It’s not like this is our first date…or is it?
I swing the door open a little too furiously but manage to school my face to my usual indifference. I should work on that; I can’t keep scowling at him if I want to date him.Nota date.
“Hey, little lion.”
Oh wow, I basically turn into a puddle of goo, and my cheeks ache because I’m already smiling like a fucking fool.
“Hi,” I croak. Clearing my throat to try again. “Hey, you alright?”Much better.
