Page 96 of How to Prevent a Fumble

“She’d be all over you bro if she met you in person.” I’m literally talking to myself in the mirror. “I mean, what girl isn’t?”

I flex again, pulling back the sleeve of my shirt so I can admire my bicep. Flex.

Turn my fist this way and that to create more bulge, the way guys do when they want their guns to smoke.

“Boom.”

I glance out the bedroom window toward Shannon’s house, then down at my dick, debating; how badly do I want to get my pole waxed right now? And do I have the energy to do it myself instead of walking to the neighbor’s house?

Karris:I’d love to see you.

She’d love to see me? That’s a strange way of putting it.

Me:Let’s do it.

Karris:What are you doing tonight?

Tonight?

I stare down my torso again; I’m still wearing track pants and a tee shirt, but I supposed it wouldn’t be too much trouble to change into something nerdier for the good of the cause.

Me:Meeting you??

Karris:OMG REALLY????

Me:Sure. Let’s do it.

Karris:I can be ready in 40 minutes, where should we meet?

Me:Lady’s choice.

Karris:My place.

Seriously? For a first date? That’s a bit presumptuous but not a complete surprise. As long as she doesn’t have roommates breathing down our necks, I could stop by for a bit and say hello.

Karris shoots me her address.

Karris:Yay! I’m so excited. I have a surprise for you…

twelve

daisy

I try not to ever date anyone with six-pack abs.

Seriously, what guy develops a six-pack to date onlyoneperson?

I would doanything for a french fry right now. Seriously, just about anything, and so would my stomach, which is growling furiously.

Walking at a pace of someone hell-bent on eating, I make a beeline for the student union only to find it packed, my stomach reminding me yet again that it wants and needs fuel.

Students everywhere.

“This is why I never come in here during the day,” I grumble to myself, stepping in line for the grill, grabbing a plastic tray in the process, and immediately sliding it along the metal rails though no tray is technically necessary.

Just kidding—I came for the fries but grab a cup of fruit and a bag of potato chips—impatiently glancing around the guy in front of me to see how far back I am from the steaming, hot burgers and crinkle fries.

Lord, am I hungry.