Page 111 of How to Lose at Love

But with Caitlin . . . with Caitlin I was able to experience it. If only for a short period of time.

She, too, began to resent me. I started noticing her change in behavior around me when she turned ten. I was only seven at the time. Seven and impressionable. Seven and vulnerable.

Mother’s words laced with venom spread through my sister’s veins. She believed everything our mother told her. Telling her thatIwas the reason we didn’t have a happy family. ThatIwas the reason father had left. That we couldn’t have nice things becauseIwas the extra mouth to feed.

I should have known her love was too good to be true.

But how was I to know any better at the age of seven?

I was starving for love. Hungry for the feel of a family that I was denied.

The day my sister became our mother incarnate I experienced heartbreak for a third time.

But during all the heartbreak, all the tears and pain, I found someone.

He was the boy in the trailer next to us. Always gazing up at the stars like they were his own private show. With a dazzlingsmile that made my young heart ache and a laughter so beautiful it sounded like music to my ears.

When my eyes first met his I knew magic was real. It was his eyes. At the time I had no clue the science behind it. As an adult now I would like to think magic is what makes his eyes change color. It reminds me of the one innocent thing of my childhood.

You see, his eyes would change due to the exposure of light. When the sun was at its highest and beating down on us, his eyes were a golden brown with flecks of green. Then, when the sun would set, and the moon took its place his eyes were the deepest brown. They almost appeared black.

Hazel eyes is what they are called.

To me though, to me they were magical.

He became my first best friend.

Then, he became my savior.

After that, he became my first true love.

Finally, Reed Carter became my last heartbreak.

I vowed to myself after him that I wouldn’t let anyone break my heart ever again.

The heart can only take so much damage before it shatters.

I don’t want to get to that point.

I don’t want to shatter.

Irefuseto.

The only bright spot in my life for the time being fully resides in my only friend, Gracie Mae. Or just Grace if she calls you a friend.

She’s the only one who has the potential to break my heart again after I have vowed to not let that happen.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not guarded. I only let her in so much before the potential heartbreak becomes a reality.

Still, that doesn’t stop my heart from warming up to her.

Grace has that effect on people. She wears her heart on her sleeve and has the kindest eyes I have ever seen.

She’s as beautiful as she is kind. Grace is the epitome of elegance and sex wrapped up in a tempting red bow. Petite in height but full of luscious curves she’s a bombshell. With sandy blonde hair that curls to her mid back and baby blue eyes she could easily pass for the girl next door. That’s until you see her with the smoky eye makeup, the sultry bright red lipstick and the confidence of a woman who knows she is desirable. With the come-hither eyes she throws our clients it’s no wonder why she racks up the biggest tips.

Grace and I work at one of the clubs in town.

There isn’t much to it. No grand appeal. Nothing like what you would see in the city or in the movies. This place is dark and gritty. Much like the town it resides in.