Page 73 of Guarded
“Stop avoiding the question and explain it to me.Whatdo you have to be insecure about?”
“I don’t want to trauma dump on you.” She says.
“It’s not trauma dumping. I’m here for you. All of you.” I run my hand over her hair and watch her chest expand with a deep breath.
“I know on the outside looking in, it seems like I have everything. But I struggle with abandonment issues. It’s easier for me to be avoidant than to risk being vulnerable with someone. This, the sex, is easy, and I like it. But I feel in the barren, abandoned parts of my soul that I need to be loved. And I’m not asking you to love me. I’m just saying it’s a desire, and it scares me. What if I never get that?”
“You can trust me, Ari. I may not be able to give you love, but I understand your desire for it.”
“I know. I just- I thought maybe you were mad at me? That my dad said something to make you change your mind. It triggered the whole abandonment thing. I know he went to the hospital to talk to you.”
“He did talk to me, but I wouldn’t make an impulsive decision because of that,” I say, gently stroking her cheek.
Aurelio Reyes was blunt in asking me about my relationship with Ari and my intentions. I told him the same thing I was trying to convince myself. That this was a client-employee relationship.
She was ten years younger than me, and even though she was engaged to a man my age, I made Aurelio think I thought of her as nothing more than a young girl I had to look out for. I feel guilty that I even put her in the same light the rest of her family did, but I said what I needed to so I could stay with her.
“I don’t want to complicate your life, Ari. I want to be the one to give your body what it craves. When you’re with me, I want you to be yourself, and I want you to be happy. Your world is complicated, and mine is messy. What we’re doing here is a much-needed distraction for both of us.”
She smiles before letting out a small yawn. With her thumb and index finger pinched together, she crosses herself, then reaches and crosses me.
Once I realize what she’s doing, I quickly grab her hand before it drops and kiss her pinched fingers and thumb. I wasn’t sure where I stood with God, but I’d never pass on a blessing from an angel- especially not from the one that would be lying in my arms tonight.
Chapter 22
Ariella
Before I am forced to marry or die (whichever comes first) bucket list.
Fill an entire class up.
Read a book.
Go to the fair and eat a funnel cake.
Go Skinny Dipping.(Then get your throat fucked by your hot bodyguard right after.) It wasn’t on my bingo card, but I’m not complaining. I draw a heart around the four.
Kiss a stranger.
