Page 12 of The Ruins of the Heartless Fae
If Kolfinna became a Royal Guard, she would be protected by Fenris and the law. Royal Guards were in prestigious authoritative positions of power. It wouldn’t be easy for the Hunter’s Association to target her, since they would have to go through Fenris first if they wanted to take his guard. She would be protected under him. It was the perfect, and most haunting, situation for her.
It made her nauseous to think about what it also meant. She would be under constant watch from Fenris and all the other people in positions of power. She might even be forced to come into contact with Blár. She would also be open to criticism from the Hunter’s Association, the military, the Royal Guards, and the public. They would never truly accept her and would try to find faults in everything she did. There was also the chance they would treat her terribly.
But perhaps this was what she needed in order to truly be free.
Fenris’s gaze was level and his tone was even more level. “Why do you want to become a Royal Guard? Surely, it’s not to serve and protect.”
“I need … I want to be able to use my powers freely.” Her voice thickened as she spoke. Her tongue felt like an anchor—she didn’t like revealing her feelings, especially not to a human who would never truly understand. “I don’t want to hide anymore.”
“Being a Royal Guard will put you in the public’s eye,” he said slowly. “You’ll be criticized heavily. Everyone will know you’re a fae.”
She could already imagine everyone staring at her in disgust, like they had during her fight with Fenris in the streets. They had avoided her like the plague.
She nodded. “I know.”
“People won’t be happy if you become a Royal Guard. It’s incredibly difficult to become one and even more so to rise in the ranks. If I allow you to become a Royal Guard without any prior schooling or letters of recommendation, people will think I’m favoring you and that we’re using you for power. The military will definitely be against it.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. But she could see he was mulling it over,consideringit. “Especially since you killed someone. The nobility, in particular, will not forgive you easily.”
“Are you … Are you considering this, Captain?” Magni’s voice was barely controlled. His hands shook and he unclenched his fists before clenching them again, as if fighting the urge to lash out.
Mímir shifted on his feet and fidgeted with the cuff of his sleeve. “I think it’s always a good idea to consider options … Whether or not we follow through is another thing …”
“As much as I would love to have you as a guard, I can’t—” Fenris started.
“You can.” Kolfinna met Fenris’s eyes calmly, despite her body trembling from within and her toes curling against the floor. “You’re Fenris Asulf. You’re the captain. You can appoint anyone as a Royal Guard if you wanted to. Besides, it’s not like I’m getting in for free. I still have to make it out of the ruins with the rest of the team, don’t I? That’s not going to be an easy feat. And besides, didn’t you say that I would make or break this mission?”
He was quiet for a long time after that. He stared at her, and stared some more, and stared even more—until she felt like he was trying to make her crawl out of her own skin. Magni slowly simmered on the spot while Mímir was pulling a loose thread from his red cape.
“I’ve made a decision,” Fenris said, his voice crackling like thunder in the quiet room. “If you show great strength, resilience, and mental fortitude—I will personally appoint you as a Royal Guard. But that’s onlyifyou’re worthy. I’ll put the responsibility on Mímir’s shoulders since he’ll be in charge of this mission.”
Mímir straightened at the mention of his name.
“But if you’re unable to show those traits and successfully clear the mission, I won’t make you one. I’ll also compile everyone else’s opinion in case Mímir is biased. Does that sound fair?”
If she accepted, she was one step closer to becoming a Royal Guard. One step closer to freedom.
She felt lightheaded and her stomach churned as if to spill the contents all over the floor, but she swallowed that fear and kept her gaze level.
“Yes,” she said, feeling like she was sealing a deal with a demon.
4
Kolfinna wasn’t allowedto leave the lilac room, except for bathroom breaks, but even then, a Royal Guard always escorted her and checked in on her every few seconds to make sure she wasn’t trying to escape. She was essentially a prisoner—her meals were brought to her and she was under constant monitoring from the guards.
The week passed by mind-numbingly slow. Other than a wooden chair, a bed, and a heavy chest brimming with dresses meant for someone three times smaller than Kolfinna, there was nothing in the room. Nothing to entertain herself with and nobody she wanted talk to—because she definitely wasn’t keen on the idea of talking to a Royal Guard.
Kolfinna braided her hair distractedly while balancing a handheld, beveled mirror between her thighs; she had found it buried in the bottom of the chest of clothes. Her thick, frizzy hair stuck out in different directions from tossing and turning in bed, and she silently cursed herself for not finding it sooner. She hadn’t realized how untamed and wild her hair had become. The last thing she wanted was to show these Royal Guards an image of the generic fairytale fae—wild hair, wild eyes, and a wild smile. The only thing she was missing was bramble, twigs, and leaves sticking into her unkept hair.
Suppressing a chuckle at the idea of walking around like their tree-hugging, children snatching nightmare, she wrangled her hair into a tight braid and tied it with a pink ribbon one of the Royal Guards had given her earlier that week.
Her pink eyes matched the ribbon, and she had to pause to stare at herself. Kolfinna rarely saw her natural eye color since she always drank the weedy-tea when the effects of it ran out. But now that she didn’t have to hide it anymore, she marveled without restraint. A long time ago, she had hated the pink color for being so conspicuous, but looking at her eyes now, with their vibrant, undeniably fae color, she found them beautiful.
A knock interrupted her thoughts and before she could ready herself, the door swung open and a young woman with honey-brown eyes poked her head through the doorway. Soft, blond curls framed her pretty face and she smiled tentatively. “You’re being summoned.”
The hair on the back of Kolfinna’s neck rose and she jumped to her feet. The mirror clattered to the floor, but she barely registered it. Were they finally going to the ruins?
“Are you going to pick that up?” The woman pointed to the mirror. “I think it’s broken.”
But instead of looking at the mirror, Kolfinna stared at the woman’s white silk gloves trimmed with lace. It was strange to see it with the Royal Guard uniform, since it seemed feminine in contrast to the masculine, militaristic uniform. Kolfinna blinked back and scooped the mirror off the floor. A thin crack spread like a spiderweb on the corner of it.
