Page 32 of Our Deceptive Heat
I love this moment, the anticipation, the adrenaline pumping, fans screaming with excitement. I can hear everyone beyond the curtains, the roar of thousands of people. The smell of the stage, the feel of my sticks between my fingers as I whirl them around.
And then the timers on, and we’re ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five. I focus on breathing deeply, and then I look at her, four, three, two. I tear my gaze away as the curtain rises.
Envy’s guitar rips through the screams of fans.
When he stops, Tyr starts talking. And then we’re off, playing those familiar songs. But at this moment, this is what it’s all about. When a crowd of thousands sings your songs back at you, it’s a moment where you are full of joy. They humble me and lift me up.
I want to give them more.
The songs change, and we continue through the sets, and all the time, I keep looking at her. Wanting to share this with her. When we play the songs that she helped us write, I see her take a step towards the stage unconsciously.
Tyr glances at her and then steps towards the stage’s edge. Singing harder than I’ve heard him sing, and she steps back. Whatever wonder she was feeling has left her.
No, that’s not right. She’s supposed to be happy.
I want to stop and go to her, but we’re only halfway. I keep drumming, but the night has lost its appeal.
What stole Ryn’s heart?
The night drags on, and by the time we finish the encore, I’m frothing at the bit to get offstage and go and speak to Ryn.
It finally ends, and I jog across the stage to her. She looks up at me and smiles.
“You were brilliant.” Why does she sound like she’s going to cry?
“Auryn,” I say quietly. I want to ask, but there are too many people around. Why is she so damn sad?
She steps back, putting a professional space between us that tears at everything inside me.
A growl escapes, but she ignores me.
“You need to get ready for the meet and greets,” Tony says. “Signings. All that. Come on, we've got drinks set up for you and new clothes.”
Ryn keeps her eyes on what’s going on around her and doesn’t even look up when Envy, Tyr, and Digs pass us.
“Auryn,” I growl.
She finally looks at me. “Go. You have a job to do. I’ll talk to you on the plane tomorrow.”
This is not acceptable and everything inside me hates it and wants to rebel, but there are so many people watching us. It will get out, it will get to her father. We’re already in trouble with the label.
“Fine. We’ll talk on the plane,” I reluctantly allow.
With another long, lingering look, I finally turn away from her, fighting all my instincts until I end up where they want me. I sign until my hand feels like it’s going to drop off. I smile at the screaming women. Young girls stutter and flutter. I get propositioned, and I really come to the conclusion that I hate this.
Envy is sitting at the back. He never signs anything, and the fans are never allowed to touch him, not that they don’t try, but Envy doesn’t like it. So we protect him.
Eventually, it ends, and we’re driven back to the hotel. The door is barely closed before Digs rounds on me, glaring daggers.
“What was that?”
“What?” I say, pretending to be obtuse.
“You demanding Ryn come and stand there for the entire concert? What was that, Mako? And the kiss? WHAT THE FUCK?”
I shrug. “I needed to know she was safe.”
Digs growls and slams the fridge closed. I pace to the window and stare down at the slow-moving traffic.
