Page 41 of Bottles & Blades
Cook a dinner that's not for me.
Watch a woman play hockey on TV who’s not my mom, who I have no other connection to other than through a job, but who’s become more family than I've ever had before.
And I’ll root for her. Hard.
And somewhere in between all of that, I'll find time to call my dad's doctor, and I'll make sure I pick up his prescription and that the nurses are on time and taking care of them as they should be.
And then…
I sigh.
Then I'll come home, sit in my quiet apartment, and try to remember all the things I have to be grateful for…
And I still won’t quite be able to tuck down the loneliness that has clung to me for decades.
Only, directly on the heels on the thought, there's a knock at the door.
Not like Jean-Michel’s pounding last night, and not like when Dave comes by, yelling and screaming and assaulting the wood, sending fear splintering through my insides.
It's just a knock, maybe even a polite one.
I’ve just finished gathering my hair into a ponytail, so I move out of my bathroom, twisting the band around my hair to secure it as I go.
But as I reach it, my stomach twists, worry gnawing at my bones. My feet draw to a halt.
Did management catch wind of Jean-Michel’s actions from last night?
Did Dave report him and now the police are knocking?
That won’t look good.
What if I get evicted?
What if?—
“You’re being insane,” I mutter, moving toward the peephole. “Standing here worrying does nothing.”
But when I look through the peephole and see who's standing on the other side, that worry changes.
It doesn't go away.
It transforms into a different kind of fear.
The fear of wanting something more.
And then I watch as Jean-Michel lifts his hand as though to knock again and I can’t stop myself, not even if my life depended on it.
Can't stop myself from unlatching the lock, from twisting the handle, from pulling open the door.
“Morning, buttercup,” he says softly.
My pulse speeds, nerves ramping up.
At least until I notice…he's rumpled. Deliciously so.
And then that worry changes again as I step back and motion for him to come into my apartment.
“Did you even sleep last night?”
