Page 162 of Crucible
I thumb the scar from an old puncture wound in the center of Zeke’s right palm, and like nerves that connect, the one on my neck throbs. Those scars are from the few that Isaac didn’t cause, yet are the ones that hurt the most.
I have to prove to myself that I’m not a danger to them.
God, it smells awful in this van.
I lean my head against the bars and take small breaths only.
Death is a friend. Pain is my enemy.
No.
I feel my hands quake with the need to reach for the knife hidden in my boot. If Thorin or Khalil knew I had it, they’d tie me up and tell me it was for my own good.
Maybe.
But I wouldn’t believe them.
Isaac may not have succeeded in converting Zeke—in convincing him to sacrifice himself for his brother’s immortality—but he did succeed in making Zeke want to die.
Zeke’s pain is so great that it bleeds over to me, and when the worst of it hits, I have no choice but to do what I was born for. Outside of Isaac’s compound, there’s no physical pain to take for him, only the one that torments his mind and soul.
I’ve tried to end it for Zeke many times, but Khalil and Thorin are always there, getting in the way. And when I nearly succeeded the last time, Bane stopped me.
Meddlesome fuckers.
That’s all past me now. I won’t let Isaac win anymore, and not because it doesn’t hurt anymore. It will always hurt. Pain lingers on the edges of our minds, waiting to strike the moment we remember it’s there.
Sunshine makes it better. With every smile and every touch, the shadows retreat a little further.
Maybe I should let Zeke meet her. Maybe I should let him see.
But not yet.
I’m not ready for her to look at this face we share and see anyone but me. And maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t care.
Somehow, I fall asleep among the rotting corpses. Perhaps because I once felt kindred with them. A walking, talking, rotting corpse.
I’m still dozing when I hear the others returning.
Khalil murmurs something, and then Aurelia says more clearly, “Green doesn’t look good on you, Khalil. Don’t hate.”
“Ain’t nobody hating. I’m just saying that it was a lucky shot.”
“Anyway.” I imagine Sunshine rolling her eyes. “Where’s Seth?”
My cheeks flush when I realize I’m still in the cage. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep or let them find me like this. I’d planned to be lounging by the campfire, waiting for their return with a smile in place, like this cage hadn’t nearly set me back nine years.
“I don’t know. He was here when I left.”
“Look, there’s his pack. Seth!” Thorin calls for me.
I don’t answer because I don’t want them to find me in here. Those two fuckers will never let it go, and Sunshine…
No, I can’t let her see me like this.
As if she hears my thoughts, she yells for me. “Seth!”
“Seth, you here?”
