Page 55 of Wishes for August
“Great, is there anything more you want to get, or can we go for some lunch?” I asked. She did a slow circle of the baby store before she pointed to a sign that said “Toys” in big green letters.
“Maybe a few little bits for his room.” Dina headed towards the area of the store laden with brightly coloured wooden toys, shelves of books and array of fluffy plush toys and I followed behind her.
My footsteps faltered when my eyes caught on a small, pristine black and white soft toy sitting among a sea of wild animals. I swallowed around the quickly growing lump in my throat. A small snow leopard sat on the shelf looking back at me and I couldn’t help but think of August that day in New York, of the way he had laughed at me likening him to the beautiful creature.
“Do I scare you, Caleb?”
No August, but losing you does.
Lunch had been fine. Dina had only made one passing comment about how much easier it would be if we lived together but I ignored it and swiftly changed the topic. Once we got back to her place, she headed inside carrying one of the lighter shopping bags while I unpacked the rest of the items onto the curb outside her two bed terraced house. I was just about done when a silverBMW pulled up behind me and a tall dark haired man climbed out. He looked familiar but I couldn’t quite place where I had seen him before. Pulling out the large boxed pram from the boot of the car, my shoulders tensed as I watched him walk up to her house and through the open door. His walk was confident, not like someone breaking in but like someone who knew the occupant of the house.
Who the fuck was he?
Abandoning the shopping, I quickly took the same steps he had. Entering Dina’s house, I was met by the sounds of voices coming from a room down the hall.
“.... but then I saw you today and imagine the shock I got. Why didn’t you tell me?” The man’s voice was raised but his voice quivered when he spoke.
“And what would you have done? I left Caleb for you, stupidly thinking if I made the first move you’d do the same. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant, and I asked you if you were ready to leave her and your answer was the same as it always was.Not yet. Dammit Andrew, what did you expect?”
My body was still, the only movement was the rise and fall of my chest and my rapidly increasing heart rate as I listened to Dina ruin me. Again.
“Well if you had told me you were pregnant, I would have….”
“You would have what Andrew?” Dina snapped, and I couldn’t miss the hurt in her voice as it wavered when she spoke again. “You’d have divorced your wife, moved in with me to raise our baby? Be real Andy, it was never going to happen.”
Our baby. Andrew’s baby.
Not my baby.
My head spun, and I clenched my fists as my breathing grew frantic. I felt sad and sick and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t move, my feet frozen to the ground forcing me to listen to the two of them.
“So you what, decided to raise it alone? Dina, I would have helped you out, I love you. You know that. You broke my heart when you dumped me.”
“I broke up with you because I got tired of waiting for you to leave her. And I wasn’t raising my baby as your dirty little secret. I’d been asking you for a year to leave her.” Dina’s voice faded into the background as her last words hit me. She’d been asking him to leave his wife for a year.A motherfucking year.
I willed my feet to push forward and rounded the corner and into the kitchen where Dina stood with Andrew's hand resting on her lower back, his head tipped down to rest against her hair.
“He’s not mine?” I asked and Dina jumped back, pushing Andrew away from her, her eyes wide and red rimmed. Andrew looked at me, three frown lines deep in his brow and as he opened his mouth to say something Dina jumped in.
“Caleb, it’s not like that, I…” her eyes darted between me and Andrew. And I saw the truth in the way she looked at him. I knew that look, because up until a few weeks ago, someone had looked at me in the same way.
She loved him.
“Cut the shit Dina, tell me the truth. Is he my baby?”
Her shoulders hunched and she took a step towards Andrew again.
“No.”
“How are you so sure?” I asked, trying again to calculate when this baby was conceived.
“Remember that work trip I went on for ten days, the one to Florida? You complained because it coincided with your family trip to Italy. We didn't see each other for over two weeks.”
I hung my head. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. We'd hardly had sex towards the end of our relationship. I didn't question her before because I never even considered she was cheating.
“But it wasn't a work trip, was it?” I already knew the answer.
She shook her head, turning to look at Andrew. He at least had the decency to look guilty. I remembered the sonographer’s words about her being further along than she'd said. She was covering her tracks.
