Page 43 of All Your Pain
I hold my hand out and Dean passes me the equipment. Then he kicks a stool out from the corner of the bathroom and sits down in front of me.
“You need to wash your hands and clean it with alcohol first, then only take the needle out of the packet when you’re ready to use it.”
“Okay,” I say hesitantly, then I go through the motions of everything he just told me. With the needle threaded and ready in my hand I hold it just above his skin. “I can’t do this!” I say, suddenly panicked.
Dean turns to me and gently grabs my wrists. “If you can’t that’s okay, I’ll just go get the doctor to–,”
“No! You can’t just keep leaving whenever you want. I never know if you’re going to come back.” Tears start to prick my eyes and I feel so embarrassed. He's the one with a knife wound and I’m crying. But he’s also my kidnapper so why should it even matter? God this is so confusing!
“Willow, look at me, baby. I promise, you won’t hurt me, okay?”
“You don’t have to act tough all the time you know? I cry all the time, maybe you should try it, might make you less of a jerk,” I scoff and he smiles which makes me let out a little laugh.
“I promise you, it won’t hurt. Not even a little bit.” He sounds like he genuinely means it.
Then again when I think about it he never really reacts to anything, when I’ve fought him he hasn’t even flinched. I always assumed it was because he’s just so much stronger than me but maybe there is something more to him. Something he’s not telling me.
“Willow,” he says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Okay, I can do it. Turn around.”
He kisses my wrists before letting go and saying,“good girl.”
The first prick of the needle is the worst. It's like I have to use all my strength to force it in and then the sudden give as it pokes through his skin has me almost gagging.
More blood keeps seeping out as the thread tugs tighter with each poke of the needle and I keep having to wipe it away with alcohol swabs. “Almost done,” I say with just a small section left to sew up.
“Well done, Willow, you’re doing such a good job,” he says so sweetly.
I can’t help but chuckle, “I should really be saying that to you. Your doctor must love you, if you can sit this still.”
“Silver linings, I guess.”
I’m not sure what he means. He's so cryptic sometimes.
Once I'm done, all I need to do is cut the thread. I end up looking over his scars whilst I have the chance.
“I’m sorry you’ve been through so much.” I run my fingers over the large burn that takes up most of his other shoulder blade. He tenses under my touch for a brief second before leaning back into it with a shiver.
Long lines crisscross the rest of his back, some fainter than others. My stomach churns as I imagine how they got there. I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, telling him everything’s okay. But I just stand there staring.
“I love it when you touch me like that.”
He spins around and I quickly drop the needle so the stitches don’t end up getting ripped out. Grabbing my waist he pulls me in between his legs.
“You’re the only one that’s ever touched me and not been cruel.”
There’s no way that can be true. He must have been with loads of women, his face alone would make anyone fall for him. I’m sure there must have been someone in his life that’s shown him even an ounce of kindness.
“You’re lying,” I say. He presses my hands to his chest.
“Why would I lie about that?”
My fingers start to trail over all his bumps and lines of scar tissue. There’s just so much pain etched into his body.
“I’ve fucked women but never like I have you. I never let them touch me. But with you it’s different. I want every touch you give me whether it’s rough or soft. I want it all. I want to feel you on all my scars and I want you to give me more.”
Dean’s confession leaves me speechless. It’s been so hard figuring out if I can actually trust this man but I think he might genuinely be in love with me. Whatever I think I feel for him isn’t real though.It can’t be.