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“Thank you.” Syd chuckles softly. “It’s funny how love changes people.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you, you big oaf. I can practically hear your heart beating from here. It’s going D-Deer, D-Deer, D-Deer.”
“Shut up.” I nudge her with my shoulder before flopping back on my bed.
Except, she’s right.
Deer owns my heart, and I’m going to keep it safe until she returns.
FORTY-FIVE
DEER
Iwake with a scream.
My hands tear at the sheets that are stuck to my clammy skin, ripping them away as I struggle to take in a breath. Raw terror crawls over me like hundreds of tiny spiders, and I can’t shake them off, no matter how hard I try.
The room is cloaked in darkness, and I don’t recognize it.
Something is in the corner watching me—someone.
Not safe. Never safe.
My breaths come shorter now; I can hear them wheezing out of me.
I need air.
My body tumbles off a bed that is too high, and I thump onto the carpet below. The pain of my knee hitting the ground at a weird angle brings some sliver of awareness back.
I’m at my parents’ house.
The shape in the corner is nothing more than a lamp.
I curl up on my side, hugging my knees to my chest as I bury myself against the carpet.
I hate sleeping because the nightmares are always floating nearby, a daemon ready to grab me from the shadows and strangle me with the fear that is eating me alive. I hate being awake, the memories of the man I left behind haunting me everywhere I accidentally look for him.
The bone-deep fear morphs into a guilt-laden sorrow, and I cry until my body gives out.
FORTY-SIX
JACKSON
My phone smashes against the wall.
I can’t keep doing this.
I’m driving myself to the brink of madness.
I sink down next to my bed. My hand reaches behind me until it lands on a bundle of soft material, pulling it down and clutching it to my chest. I inhale the brown sugar sweetness of her scent on the blanket I stole from her room—my reminder of her.
My chest pangs, ringing out in the empty cage that once held my heart.
I want to go find her.
I want to see her.
