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Bree stands and her pregnant belly bumps him. Chase reaches out both hands to prevent her from tipping but ends up cradling her bump. He gasps and his eyes get glassy. The first hint of real emotion I’ve seen since the hospital. She covers his hands with her own.
“She likes you, feel her?”
Her.She saidher.His eyes sparkle for the first time in what seems like forever. His hand cups a specific spot on her belly, and she presses it close.
“I do feel it. The kick. Your daughter is very strong,” he says, and she nods, sniffing then rubbing her nose on her tissue.
Kat and Bree’s eyes fill with tears that fall prettily down their cheeks. “We found out yesterday but with everything going on”—she looks to both sides and Phil puts an arm around her shoulder comforting her—“with everything, it just didn’t seem important,” Bree finishes.
Maria closes her eyes and shakes her head. Tommy pulls her into his side protectively. I hold a hand over my mouth and stifle a sob. She didn’t feel it was important because of everything that’s happened. My best friend is going to have a baby girl, and instead of shouting it from the rooftops like any one of us would in the same circumstance, she held her tongue and tried to not make a big deal of her news. Doesn’t she know that news like this can heal us? That her baby, the life within her gives us all hope.
“Congratulations, Chase pats her hand and proceeds to shake Phil’s hand and Tommy’s. “Gillian, want to stay with your friends while I check with Dana about the arrangements?”
“Uh, yeah. Okay, if that’s what you want.” He gives another tight smile, the one I’ve seen him use in business meetings when things aren’t going his way. Never with me. I’m not really sure how to take that. Leaving it alone is all I can do right now.
Maria pulls me into a big hug. “Hey girl, how you holding up?” she asks pushing back a lock of my hair that slipped out of the chignon.
I shake my head. “Doesn’t matter. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. You look…I don’t know, different.”
“Well, we are at a funeral. You know, sad day and all,” I remind her, my tone coming across as a bit bitchy.
She purses her lips. “Have you seen Dr. Madison yet?”
“No,” I stare off into the distance and bite my lip. “I will, soon actually. Couple days from now. Chase is forcing it.”
Her icy eyes turn a warmer blue. “You know as well as I do, that after everything you’ve been through, not seeing a therapist would beestúpido. This is not your first rodeo dealing with traumatic experiences.”
“You’re right. It isn’t.” I sigh a long soul cleansing breath. “I don’t know why I’m avoiding it. Regardless, I’m going on Wednesday.”
“Chase too?”
The mere thought of Chase being anywhere I’m not sends a river of panic rushing down my spine. I straighten and look all around trying to spot Chase. Instead I see Megan “The Bitch” O’Brian holding onto Chase’s arm and standing close…really close. “The nerve of that woman,” I growl under my breath. Maria’s head snaps to where I’m looking. Kat and Bree stand and flank my sides both having heard me.
“That the ex? Theputa?” Ria asks, the words spilling out as if they have been shoved through a meat grinder.
Instead of responding, I just focus my attention on sending a bushel of visual daggers in Megan’s direction. When she pulls Chase into her arms, holds him close, and he doesn’t instantly pull back, I actually sway on my feet. Bree and Kat hold me up.
“Easy there,” Kat says, her voice a comforting whisper.
Maria looks at me, shrugs her man’s hold off her shoulder, and beats feet to Chase and Megan. I can’t move or go after her. I just can’t physically defend myself or my man. It’s like I’m a hollow statue that was once made of solid stone. My insides are so weak I can barely keep the outside from cracking and splitting at the seams with the deluge of emotions pressing against all sides.
I watch in sick fascination as Maria interrupts the lovefest that is my man holding onto his ex-fiancée. She pulls him aside and whispers in his ear. He immediately leaves The Bitch behind and heads in our direction. His eyes are cold, his face as hard as granite. The long black coat he wears flares out making him look like he’s just stepped out of photo shoot for London Fog outerwear. Maria on the other hand doesn’t follow. Looks like my soul sister is having words with the red headed siren. I can barely find the energy to care.
Chase reaches my side and pulls me into his arms. “What’s wrong? Are you unwell?” I clutch his back and drop my face into the crevice at his neck. That woodsy fruity scent that is solely Chase slams against my senses and tears slide down my face. And that’s when the shaking starts. Tremors curl through my body uncontrollably while I hold onto Chase for dear life.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. My fault, my fault, my fault.” I whisper over and over against his neck, my tears soaking the collar of his shirt. He doesn’t seem to be fazed by it. Instead, he just holds me, his own face pressing against my neck, finally taking the comfort I know he needs right now.
“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for. This is not your fault. That’s the truth.” He pulls back and cups my cheeks in his hands then swipes at my tears with his thumbs. The bruises on my face are almost gone. He leans forward and takes my lips in a soft kiss. “I can taste your fears. It’s lovely that you cry for me, but unwarranted. You are not to blame for what happened to Mother. There’s only one man who needs to come to justice for the crime he committed against my mother, our friends, and you. Please stop punishing yourself. It hurts me to think you’re carrying this weight. Let it go, okay?” His gaze turns grey matching the sky and clouds overhead.
“Okay,” I lie. He can say what he wants, but even though there is a lot of truth to his words, I can’t let go. Daniel would have never touched this family, that girl in the yoga studio, and all those people at the gym, or my best friend Phillip if it wasn’t for me. That’s a lot of collateral damage adding up and each and every instance is digging a bigger hole into my heart where I fear no amount of happiness will be able to fill it again.
Maria comes walking back with pep in her step and a wicked grin. Seeing her with a grin like that means she’s up to something, and it is most definitely bad, illegal, or perhaps both.
I narrow my gaze at her as she cuddles up to Tommy. “Ria, what did you say to her?” I gesture with a head tilt to where the red-head was.
Her eyes widen and she places a hand to her chest. “Who me? Oh, nothing really. I just reminded her that this is a rough time in our friends’ lives and to mind her manners.”
