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Thaddeus grinned. “I’m glad I could be entertaining.”
It was good to focus on eating, on something besides his relationship with Jana. As he chewed on a hunk of sausage, Thaddeus realized that the whole thing was a new experience for him. And he hadn’t seen it coming.
Jana’s verve for life, her exuberance, and the way she gave her all to any activity had melted his reserve. Thaddeus, who’d considered himself a tower of emotional strength, had been ripped asunder by a woman. In retrospect, he should have had a clue.
Her grandmother had warned him. Icelandic women were known for their independent attitudes and self-reliant natures. That was why Eva had hired him in the first place. She’d searched for a man of the same heritage, one capable of handling such a strong woman.
Thaddeus had sworn that he was up to the task. Yet he hadn’t predicted falling for her. He’d fallen hard, and Jana had vowed she loved him.
Thaddeus was torn and confused. Dealing with matters of love was beyond him; he was out of his depth. He had to let her know.
After he finished every morsel on his plate, Thaddeus leaned back to sip his coffee. He watched Jana shuffle some fruit around her plate. “It’s not you, you know,” he said.
Jana looked up. “What do you mean?”
“You are an amazing woman.” Thaddeus put his cup down. “I’m not that great with words. But I want you to know…the man who gets you will be one lucky guy.”
“But that’s not you. Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“I’m used to being alone,” Thaddeus said. “I was trained to be alone; it was a requirement for my duties. I can’t go into detail, but I think you get the idea.”
Jana waited for him to continue.
“It would have been next to impossible to sustain a relationship. I joined the Navy so young. It was all I knew,” Thaddeus said. “Then when I got out…” He shook his head. “Dating was awkward for me. I didn’t have the social graces. And after what I’d seen on deployment, well, I’d hardened my heart.”
Jana reached across the table to touch his hand.
“In high school, there was one girl I was sweet on. But she dumped me, and I thought my heart was broken. But I didn’t have a clue what love was. Besides, that was a smart move on her part.” He tried to get his thoughts together.
“I haven’t married. You must see that I’d be a poor choice for a husband,” Thaddeus said, then squeezed her hand. “I do okay in the bedroom, though.”
Jana smiled. “I can attest to that.” She released his hand. “You’re trying to tell me that this can’t continue. That we don’t have a future together.” Her expression was sad. “I already knew that. You didn’t have to tell me.”
With a napkin, Jana dabbed at her eyes. “You’ve talked, so now it’s my turn.” She took a breath. “I have no regrets. I’ll always cherish this time we’ve had together.” She paused. “But I think that you underestimate yourself. You’d be a lot better at relationships than you think. You just haven’t tried.”
Jana stood up. “Shall we go?” She motioned toward him. “Aren’t you supposed to be protecting me or something?”
Thaddeus guided her out of the restaurant, then checked out of the resort. She was right: it was time to return to reality and deal with the attacks against her. That was something that he could do—and he would. She could count on him for that.
