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“Bullshit.” Matt’s sharp tone cut him off. “Your scars don’t prove you were weak. They prove you were strong enough to survive.”
“The cutting gave me some control at a time when I didn’t have any. Just like the coke, I knew I was hurting myself, but I didn’t care. Now I do.” Reminding himself he’d broken his shackles gave him the strength to finally throw the blade away the night Matt walked away. He refused to reenter the cycle of self-harm.
Still…
“I understand if you can’t look at me the same, knowing what I’ve done. Sometimes, I can barely look at myself.”
Matt’s intense stare softened. “God, Rob, none of this was your fault. You’ve been through hell. And I won’t judge you for what you had to do to pull yourself out. I love you.”
Something hard inside Robby yielded, but it didn’t change the reality of what had happened. “I believe you, and I love you too, but I’m not sure where we can go from here. You didn’t leave because you didn’t love me. You left so you could keep your boy—you can’t just will the problem away. And I kept things from you. Things you deserved to know if we ever had a chance at a life together.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. I understand why you didn’t tell me.”
He chuckled softly. “Liar.”
Matt gripped his hands and scooted closer. “You were ashamed. Afraid. Even if you did have a choice, and I don’t think you did, your past is behind you. Patty has no right to judge you for it. I won’t let her keep us apart. There has to be a way to hold onto you and Jimmy both. Please.” His voice cracked. “Please let me try.”
He wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to. But he’d unloaded a lot on Matt tonight. What if he decided one day the truth was too much? What if the next time Robby’s past popped up, it tipped Patty right over the edge?
“I think we both need a little time. A little space.”
“But Rob—” Matt sunk to his knees on the floor. “I’m ready to fight for us. Let me.”
Robby slid his hand over Matt’s cheek. “I need you to go. I’m not saying forever. But I am asking, for now. If you love me, respect me enough to do what I’m asking. You need to think about Jimmy. You’ll never forgive yourself if you lose your chance to be his father.”
Matt took a deep breath. He covered Robby’s hand with his own for a heartbeat, then released it and stood.
“I’ll go.” Head down, he started to leave but stopped with the door open. “I’m not giving up on you, though. As long as there’s a chance, I’ll keep coming back, until I can prove to you I’ll never walk away again. I’m going to find a way to keep you and Jimmy in my life.”
Chapter
TWENTY-NINE
Robby
It felt surreal going back to the construction-site without Matt there, knowing he’d probably never return. In a way, though, it freed them both. There was no room on the job for love or the loss of it. Whether he and Matt ever worked through their issues, Robby needed to keep a clear head at work.
At least it was what he told himself.
“You’ve been ducking my calls,” Brick rumbled as he stepped into the trailer where Robby sat behind Xander’s computer.
“Mine too,” Kane groused, closing the flimsy door behind him.
The two men settled on the small sofa against the long wall, their big shoulders taking up all the space. They mirrored each other, arms folded, jaws tight.
“This isn’t just a honeymoon period for you and Matt, is it?” Brick cocked his head. “Something’s going on.”
Robby thought about lying. About smiling and saying everything was fine. But it wasn’t. And if his best friends in the world—his brothers—couldn’t handle the truth, well, they weren’t the men he thought they were.
“I’ve never really told you a lot about myself.”
Brick blinked. “You said your family tossed you out when you were young.”
“Sixteen. I went from living in a tiny backwater town to downtown Atlanta. I had no idea what to do to get a roof over my head.” Steeling himself, he continued, “I tried a shelter. Lost my virginity there in the worst way you could imagine.”
Kane nodded subtly, but Brick went stock still.
“I figured out really fast I’d rather deal with one guy—any guy—for a place to sleep, rather than four or five at a time.”
