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“Stop acting like such a prude.”
He lifted his head, staring at her, slack-jawed.
“I’m tired of tiptoeing around this for your tender sensibilities, son. This is long overdue. You got her pregnant. You need to marry her. End of story.”
Patty chuckled. “I’m afraid I don’t meet his base requirements.”
Both Matt’s and his mother’s heads whipped to the side to face her. She looked like a fierce warrior goddess, heeled black leather boots over her jeans, her arms crossed, eyes blazing. She must have let herself in the front door. God only knew what she’d say next.
He spoke through his clenched jaw. “Patty, don’t do this.”
Her laugh intensified into something dark and mean. “Don’t do what? Tell the truth? Come on now, Matty. Denying the truth got us into this mess in the first place.”
“I mean it.” He stalked toward her. “Don’t.”
She threw back her shoulders, her posture practically screamingfuck you. “What? Don’t tell your precious Mama I was your beard for eight goddamn years? Don’t tell her you only fucked me because you were drunk and wallowing in guilt after Shawn died? That you could never get it up with me a single time afterward?” She snarled. “Maybe the real reason you were so screwed up about Shawn was because he had the one thing I’ll never have. A dick.”
His mother made a strangled sound from the table as she processed Patty’s words.
It was a low blow bringing up his old roommate. And Patty was wrong. He and Shawn had barely been friends, much less anything more. But Matthadfelt guilty. He should’ve seen the signs the guy had been partying too hard. Should’ve tried to get him help.
He’d never been interested in sex with Shawn or any man. Or any woman. He didn’t want to have sex with anyone. The night he and Patty had conceived Jimmy was a fluke, fueled by the Fireball shots and the platonic love he’d convinced himself might be something more. He’d tried. God, how he’d tried to hold on to the fragile spark, to hold on to her, but the zing—the flare—wasn’t there. Those months of trying to pretend it was only made it worse.
“Stop this.” Matt kept his voice calm, even as embarrassment heated his skin and his mother backed out of the kitchen, scooping up the sleeping baby on her way to the bedroom.
“We’re just getting started.” Patty twirled. “Don’t you like the independent Patty? So much better than the mopey, pitiful girl who cried over you. I’ve given up on the dream. You should be happy.” When he didn’t answer, she cocked her hip against the table and met his eyes with a level stare.
“I never wanted this.”
The day after they’d conceived Jimmy, Patty had left to spend the summer with her grandma in south Louisiana. He’d spoken with her every day. FaceTimed. She’d helped him navigate his guilt after he moved back in with his mom. Comforted him. Eventually helped him laugh again.
For him, the phone connection allowed things to feel like they always had been between them. Only, for her, everything had changed. With physical distance from her, it had been easy to talk himself out of his misgivings.
Then, she’d come back. He’d known the first time she kissed him, he didn’t feel the spark. For a while, her morning sickness gave him breathing room without any pressure for a repeat performance in the bedroom. And he could manage the kissing when he needed to, even if it made him more and more uncomfortable every time.
This wasPatty, though. If he couldn’t make it work with her, what chance would he have with someone else? He couldn’t lose her—not his best friend.
But when the time came to get down to brass tacks…when his excuses about studying or waking up his mom wouldn’t work anymore…he’d triedwillinghis body into action. He’d tried and failed. Not once. Not twice.
Three times.
Each failure cracked his beautiful, fierce, best friend a little bit deeper. Until she shut it all down just after Jimmy was born and started dating some jerk who had no interest in her dreams—or the little boy she’d created with another man. She shut Matt out of her life and only shared Jimmy when it suited her schedule.
Patty growled, returning his attention to the here and now. “I stuck by your side! All through high school. I was your date to every dance. Your study partner—”
“My friend,” he supplied.
“Friend,” she spat. “I defended you. When everyone said you were queer. I told them to get fucked. I was the reason you didn’t get your ass kicked clear across Fulton County. I told you my dreams, my fears, my secrets. And you never said a word!”
Her screech woke Jimmy, who started crying. His Gi Gi comforted him with hushed words through the closed door of the bedroom.
“What did you want me to say?” He rubbed the heels of his hands against his temples. “What do you want me to saynow? It’s not like I’m out there picking up men. There isn’t anyone. The only person I have ever been with is you.”
She pushed him. “I don’t know if that is better or worse. You weren’t lying to me? You were lying to yourself.”
“I wasn’t lying to anyone! My love for you wasn’t pretend. What we had all those years was real, and it was important to me. But it wasn’t about sex. Not until you—”
“Took advantage of you?” She made a noise in the back of her throat. “For fuck’s sake, can you just say what you mean for once?”
