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Brick had figured it out and so had Kane.
Robby hadn’t quite worked out all the nuances of how to be subtle. He shrugged, trying to pull it off anyway. “No date. Nothing’s going on. Really.”
Of course, Matt picked that moment to stick his head back into the garage. “Did I leave my water bottle in here?”
Trying to ignore Kane’s smirk, Robby relaxed his features into a soft smile. “You didn’t bring one in.”
“Must’ve left it in the car,” Matt murmured and disappeared as quickly as he had shown up.
As the front door closed, Kane snickered. Brick elbowed him in the side.
“Aw, c’mon,” Kane groused. “That shit was funny!”
The corner of Brick’s mouth quirked up, and Kane huffed in response. “It always comes back to Matt. What happened when you two were out on the porch last night? Did you finally manage to have a conversation with the guy? Is he what all the happy singing was about?”
Robby’s smile fell, and it must have been obvious because Kane sighed and looked at the ceiling.
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. Trust me, I’m the poster child for holding on to lost causes. Thirteen fucking years after we broke up, I hadn’t let go of Mandy.”
“And look at you now.” He knew he sounded ridiculous, even as the words came out of his mouth. It didn’t change the truth of it. Kane and his wife had the kind of relationship he could only dream of. And he’d resolved five years ago to look at life on the bright side whenever he could. At times, optimism was the only thing able to keep memories of his past from eating him whole.
Kane rubbed his cheek, the pressure briefly turning the pink line of his scar white. “Yeah. And God knows, I’m grateful. But the way I was living all those years, that shit wasn’t good for me. Not any more than this is good for you.”
“What Kane is trying to say is—”
Kane elbowed Brick as he stepped forward. “Don’t tell me what I’m trying to say. I can say it just fine. Matt has an old lady and a kid. Maybe he’s happy; maybe he’s not. Who knows?”
He lifted his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug. “Maybe he likes a little of the D on the down-low. You wanna find out? Be his dirty little secret on the side? Or do you want a chance to be really happy? What I amtryingto say is to put yourself out there. Find some dude who wants the same shit you do. Find somebody who can love you. Stop wasting time on a fantasy and live your life, kid.”
It used to bother him when the guys called him a kid. He used to think it meant they saw him as less than equal. But could he really blame them? It’s why they were so protective.
His friends didn’t see him as less. They saw him as worthy of their love and protection. It’s what he thought he’d had with John. He just hadn’t seen the predator hiding underneath.
Unlike his birth family, his friends didn’t care if he was gay.
They didn’t care if he loved video games or Marvel superheroes or whether he had bad luck at romance. They made sure he had home-cooked meals and laughter and acceptance. And they wanted absolutely nothing in return.
No. It didn’t bother him anymore if they thought he was a kid. Not when he’d never shown them anything different.
Not when the alternative was so much worse.
Oblivious to the turn of Robby’s thoughts, Kane strapped on his hard hat. “That’s all the relationship advice I have in me, brother. But I’m here if you need me.” With his closing words, he stepped through the doorway into the house.
Robby couldn’t miss the sympathy in Brick’s eyes. “Is that what you think too? I’m wasting time on a fantasy?” Fantasies weren’t all bad. They could never break your heart.
“I can’t tell you if you’re wasting your time. And I won’t. You have to figure it out, you know? Ask yourself those questions…or don’t. Kane’s trying to help, but it’s your life.” He tilted his head. “Are you happy?”
Thankfully, his friend didn’t wait for an answer. He simply followed Kane into the shell of the house.
Robby gripped his clipboard tighter, then released the clutch to let it hang at his side.
Washe happy?
He had people who cared about him. A job, an apartment, and a car. More than he thought he could ever have when he left his hometown of Sherman seven years ago or when he left John two years later.
But was hehappy?
No. He had control of his life, though, which was something he couldn’t have said five years ago.
