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“It’s not so simple.” Of course, he wanted to get out. Hell, he’d never really wanted in, but after everything went down with Mandy, the club felt like the only safe place. Stupid, but his head and his heart didn’t always see eye to eye. The club had never been and would never be safe, but he did have family there, and they’d held him together when he thought he would shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.
“Itissimple. You’re the one making it complicated.” Maybe the man could have been a motivational speaker in another life. Ace pursed his lips and leaned forward. “I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, because, hey, I’m not exactly on the PTA, man. But I am a little older and maybe a little bit wiser, so let me say this. It’s not gonna get better. The situation you’re in? It’s not going to change unless you change it. Bottom line, either you modify your organization or you modify your circumstance. You can’t be a passive participant in your own life, Mr. Hale, not if you want it to turn out a particular way. If you simply follow the current, you can’t be surprised if it doesn’t take you where you want to go.”
He was right. Course, he was right. Still, what Ace suggested was no small thing. Either you’re in the club or you’re out, and if he chose to get out, it meant leaving his entire family behind. There would be no welcome for him as an outsider, not even from his mom. He’d be starting over, completely alone, and the idea terrified him.
I wouldn’t have to be completely alone.
Mandy’s face flashed in his mind, then Brick’s and Robby’s. He had people in his life who cared about him.
Ace’s advice gave him a lot to process, and he wouldn’t come up with an answer at a coffee shop, three feet away from one of the biggest drug distributors in the state.
Thankfully, Ace didn’t wait for a response. He stood and paused with his hand on the back of Kane’s chair. “Think about what I said. In the meantime, it sounds like your boys have a solid system in place. You know how to get back in touch when you’re ready for your next box of chocolate.” He lifted his hand in a brief salute. “Thanks for the coffee, son.”
Son.
He almost laughed at the word, but in truth, he didn’t find it funny so much as a little bit sad. Sure, Ace ran a criminal syndicate or whatever, but the guy actually seemed to be looking out for him. In one conversation, the man had given him better advice than his own father probably had in his entire life. Malcolm wasn’t the kind of guy who would ever win father of the year, but it seemed more obvious now than it had for a long time the man was only interested in looking out for Number One. His wife, his sons…hell, even his club…he considered them all tools to advance his own interests.
He knew it well enough when he was younger. How could he have let himself forget?
But knowing his father’s flaws didn’t make him prepared to walk away from the club. He wouldn’t only be leaving his dad. He’d be cutting off his connection to Cue Ball, Scott, and his mother. Just like Uncle Wes had.
For what?
Unbidden, an image of Joshua Cooper danced through his head and with it, the fragile thread of hope he could have a family of his own. Josh wasn’t his, but the dream of a family didn’t have to die. He didn’t have to be alone; he could make a new future.
His phone buzzed.
He didn’t have to decide right now. But he wasn’t getting any younger. If he was going to start a new life, he’d have to do it soon.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Amanda
The summons from her father came faster than Amanda had hoped. Not even forty-eight hours had passed since her break-up with Nathan. Apparently, her desire for a longer reprieve was unrealistic.
The hairs on the back of her arms rose as she left her condo late Saturday morning. For the second time in as many days, she felt like someone was watching her, but she focused on the dread pooling in her stomach over the idea of facing her dad.
He’d never handled disappointment well. When she’d decided to join Charlie’s company, for instance, he went on a tirade spanning more than an hour, covering everything from her lack of loyalty to him to the disregard for her future and the waste of her education. Honestly, he still wasn’t over it. The man put up a classy, Old Southern front, but he had a temper hotter than Tabasco sauce.
The ride over stretched interminably yet ended instantaneously. She wanted to get it all over with, but facing the music was going to suck beyond imagination. Part of her had fought the summons, but the man was her father, and years of conditioning had taught her not to ignore him.
She’d even dressed in an armor of sorts: dark blue jeans, with calf-hugging brown boots, and a dark green sweater. It felt like crushed velvet, warm and soft and casual, and her dad would probably hate it for all of the same reasons she loved it.
Steeling herself, she sought him out in the study. He sat rigidly at his desk, red pen poised over a stack of papers. His face tightened when she stood on the opposite side of the heavy wooden surface, but he didn’t look up. “You reneged on our deal.” His voice cut like pure ice.
She could do ice too. In fact, that particular mask gave her an extra shot of courage. “It depends on how you look at it.” Folding her arms, she ran her hands over the comforting softness of her sleeves. “I kept up my end of the original agreement perfectly.”
His gaze shot up to her. Forget ice, now he was all heat. “So, you never intended to give me those four weeks?”
The answering fire inside her came as something of a surprise. “I intended to give you six months, which is exactly what I did. Six months of laughing at his shitty jokes. Six months of tolerating his abuse and making myself small.” The heat burned hotter. “Now I’m done. He’ll never belittle me again. Never hit me. Never kick me. Andneverhurt me.”
Her father tossed his pen onto the table with an exasperated huff. “No need to be crass, Amanda, or so dramatic.”
“Dramatic? Would you like to hear about the time he pushed me for disagreeing with him? Or when he threatened to sodomize me to teach me my place? It happened only a couple of weeks ago, Dad, and a few days later you tried to extort me into keeping him in my life.” She clasped her hands together to stop the shaking. But fear no longer fueled her, rage did.
Her father didn’t so much as flinch at her words. His expression stayed infuriatingly neutral. “Enough.”
“Really? Because you summoned me here to talk about it. You want to talk about the time he kicked me in the ribs? Or hey, I can show you the marks he left on my arm two days ago.”
