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“Not mine.” Sam desperately wanted to reach out and touch her again, even if only to run her fingers up and down the slim forearms. But she focused on her chalk instead, afraid that if she made contact even with a single fingertip, she wouldn’t be able to stop. “And not Lily’s or Amanda’s or Suzie’s or any of the scholarship girls either. In fact, you made them very happy.”
Magdalene sighed.
“I wish things were different.”
“Why? You saved them.”
“Sam, I wish we lived in a world where you’d never need to use those terms because they’re just plain wrong. I wish the girls would never have to doubt that they are welcome, that they belong, even if they can’t afford the tuition.”
“You showed people today that, regardless of who they are or whether their parents can or cannot afford ridiculous amounts of money for a place at Dragons, they still belong. I thought your answer was perfect. I know people were upset, but then I think there were so many other things that you managed to sneak in under the radar and spring on them, at least half the faculty and the trustees were pretty torn about what exactly they felt they needed to be pissed at you for.”
“I’m sorry I had to keep the girls guessing, though. I’m sorry I caused even one moment of their anguish. But I couldn’t tip my hand. The possibility that I could be removed prematurely and then be of no use whatsoever to them or the school…”
Sam shook her head, effectively stopping Magdalene’s verbal self-flagellation.
“I also think that absolutely everybody understood. Including the girls. I mean, Lily pretty much told me how fairly you’ve been treating her, and how she wasn’t anxious about the outcome. But instead of listening, it seems every single adult here, myself included, has been trying to protect her and the other girls without considering that maybe they’re fine, and we should all stop telling them that they’re not.”
“Ah, overprotective Sam.” Magdalene’s smile was sly again, and Sam knew it was time to get back to what really ailed her lover.
“Now tell me what’s actually wrong. Because, while the justifiable distress that our sweet ginger mouser found himself in is kind of adorable, you’re still troubled.”
“Am I this transparent?”
Sam finally gave in to the impulse to touch. But she only squeezed the graceful slim wrist again, effectively wiping away the earlier chalk marks she’d left there. If only more things were as easily erased. Magdalene watched the movements of Sam’s fingers and finally gave in, letting out a sigh.
“George told me Orla threatened you earlier today. That she was cruel to you, and I think I came here partly in hopes of finding you, but also to get away from the school, lest I run into Orla. I’m not sure I’d be able to hold back.”
“Is there anything at this school that ever stays private? Are there really eyes and ears everywhere?”
“If there weren’t, we’d be sitting much closer than we are now, Sam.”
Sam nodded, acknowledging the point, but still upset enough about the whole situation.
“Please don’t get involved. What transpired is between her and me. I am convinced she won’t report us, whatever she thinks she knows, she has no evidence. She was way out of line, and I know her well enough to know that it was her anger speaking. She’ll come around.”
“But it made you upset, Sam. It made you sad. I can see it on your face.” Magdalene reached out a hand and, despite her own earlier caution, her fingertips brushed Sam’s cheek so tenderly Sam wanted to cry.
“Am I this transparent, Magdalene?” Her words were barely above a whisper as she echoed Magdalene’s earlier question. Eyes more amber than blue lit up with warmth and adoration, and for a second Sam thought she’d be kissed, but at the last moment Magdalene just booped her nose and settled her hand back in her own lap.
“I also meant to ask you again, if you are truly okay about what happened in my office earlier. You seemed so nonchalant about it then, both in how you came out and how you kind of just waved away my concern later on.”
“Ha, and you say it’s you who’s transparent.” Sam laughed, but Magdalene’s eyes remained serious. “I don't know, honestly, when I was saying it, my main impetus was to put that little toad in his place. I wasn’t afraid, and I’m still not. Hurray for the Supreme Court and their newly established workplace protections for LGBTQIA folk.”
Sam looked at the enormity of the ocean in front of her, fearless and relentless. She felt small in comparison, but the steady presence beside her seemed to prop her up.
“Look, it wasn’t that I was in the closet because I was uncomfortable with who I am. I was afraid, sure, but I don’t think that was the main reason. And at a pretty conservative school, even with Orla’s rather loosened regime, it still made no sense for me to be out. It’s not as if I had anyone to kiss out here.” Sam could see a smile tugging at Magdalene’s lips, and desperately wanted to reach out and touch the corner of that sweet mouth, to caress it, to feel the lips stretch underneath her fingertips. Add this one to the pile of things she wished she could do and regretted not being able to.
“Jo knew, but that was pretty much it. Even Orla confirmed today that she had no idea before. Maybe it will hit me when I go to bed, as I lie there and watch the shadows play on my ceiling. I don’t know. But right then, and still now, it felt and feels like the most liberating thing in the world. It felt good to say it.”
The lips Sam had just been fantasizing about stretching into a warm smile was her reward for her ramblings. Magdalene seemed content with the answer she received and chose to change the subject.
“I see you’re drawing—if we can generously call it that—chalk hearts. Any occasion?”
Sam smiled and looked back at the smooth rock that had served as her canvas, where half of her ‘art’ had already been erased by the elements.
“I hadn’t even realized what I was doodling, honestly. But just before you appeared in my line of sight, I smelled your perfume, and I thought about how much I missed you.”
Magdalene blinked, her face impassive, yet somehow radiant.
