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She needs me to fight for her.
CHAPTER 81
ALEXEI
Song- Sleep Token, Alkaline
I'd doanything to swap places with her.
Squeezing her frail hand tighter, I try to let her know that I’m with her. That I’m never leaving her side again.
More fucking tears roll down my cheeks, I don’t bother wiping them. I don’t care.
This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Worse than the beatings my father gave me as a kid.
Watching helplessly as the woman I love lies there in a hospital bed.
I don’t know whether the anger is worse than the heartache. How did we all miss this?
I should have done more. I shouldn’t have left her.
The doctors told me her body was shutting down from exhaustion. She hasn’t been eating, or keeping food down for weeks. Weeks?
I wish I could understand why she does this. She’s perfect as she is. She says it’s about control, a way to cope with life.
I left and she nearly kills herself. The doctors warned me if she doesn’t get help, her body will eventually give up on her.
I’ll lose her. Then we will all be without her light in our lives.
My tears turn into full sobs and I don’t know how to make it stop.
I don’t even hear Nikolai come through the door, but I sit back when I feel his heavy palm on my shoulder.
“Alexei.”
I look up at him, not removing my fingers laced through Lara’s.
“I-is she okay?”
I sniffle and shake my head.
“Her body started to shut down, Nikolai. Overworking to compensate for her lack of food. She was starving herself to death. So no. She’s not okay.”
Pain flashes across his face as he looks at his sister.
“Fuck. We’ve been so busy trying to find you, we thought she was coping. Considering.”
That’s it.
I fly up out of my chair and get in his face.
“Fuck looking for me. I’m not more important than her.” I point to Lara.
“She is everything to me. It would have been pointless even getting me out of that jail if she didn’t survive. I’d die without her. Don’t you get it? There is no me without her. I’m so in love with that woman.”
I’m almost out of breath by the time I finish letting it all out.
He tilts his head and looks back and forth between us.
