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And still, I couldn’t move from where I was chained as I listened to the buzz he emitted from the other side of the door. I could feel the echo of his reticence before his heavy footfalls finally retreated down the steps, growing quieter with each one he took.
When the thudding finally evaporated into the night, the man taking his intensity with him, I exhaled a shattered breath and did my best to gather myself.
I needed to process what course to take.
Run or stay.
Run or stay.
Sorrow billowed at the thought of the first.
I was so tired. So tired of running. So tired of being alone. But it’d been a consequence I’d long accepted, a part of the sentence that I would carry out for the rest of my days.
When I’d stepped off the bus in Moonlit Ridge, I’d been set ontrying. On trying to forge some semblance of a satisfactory life. To try to make this place my home.
In grief we must live.
But I was afraid I’d been a fool to hope for any of that. I already felt the complications rising around me, the truth that I’d barely allowed someone into my life, as faked and superficial as it was, and they were already butting against the boundaries.
Pushing up against the secrets I could never give anyone access to.
On shaky legs, I pushed from the door and trudged into the little kitchen, tossed my purse and keys to the counter, and dug into thecupboard for a glass. I filled it with water from the faucet and took a sip, hoping it would cool the fire that burned my insides.
If only I had someone here who could splash it in my face to bring me back down to reality.
My heart spasmed when my phone dinged from my purse, and the glass clinked on the counter as I set it aside. My fingers were still trembling as I dug into the bag and pulled out my phone.
Unbidden, a smile pulled to my face when I saw the text.
Raven
We already miss you! Why did you leave us?
A picture was attached. Raven was kneeling and wrapped around Nolan from behind, both of them grinning with goofy faces toward the camera. The lights of the dance floor tossed glimmering streams around their heads, striking like halos, the child such a little angel it made my heart hurt.
Me
Sorry. I didn’t realize how late it was and I need to get up early.
It didn’t take her long to respond.
Raven
And what could be so important that you’d take off like a bat out of hell when we were having a blast? And don’t forget it was the BLAST I’d promised you.
She ended it with two shooting fireball emojis.
There were flames, all right. Ones licking up my insides and threatening to leave me ash.
I struggled for the right lie. It wasn’t as if I could tell her I was contemplating leaving or tell her I’d been spooked. That would only conjure all the questions I could never answer.
I typed out the first thing that came to mind. I’d already pressed send before I realized the excuse was out of left field.
Me
I’m going on a hike in the morning, right at daybreak.
Raven
