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Alarms blared at the back of my head, that part of me that had always kept myself shrouded.
Hidden.
Because I couldn’t expose myself like this, but what had I expected when I’d let him touch me like this? See me like this?
“Nothing?” It was pure malice.
I glanced up at him. I shouldn’t have looked. Should have known his stricken expression was going to cut me even deeper.
“It doesn’t matter, River. It doesn’t matter because it’s in the past.”
And I was here because he promised to show me what it was like to move on from that. It’s what I needed so desperately. But maybe I really was a fool to believe that I could ever truly have it.
A ball of grief threatened at the base of my throat.
His face pinched in disbelief. “It doesn’t matter? It fuckin’ matters, Charleigh. It fuckin’ matters because you’ve been running scared for years. Running because some monster inflicted that kind of pain on you. Running because I know you’re afraid of him finding you. And you came running to me. Believe me, it fucking matters.”
He slammed his fist against his bare chest. His massive chest that vibrated with an aggression so severe I was sure it couldn’t be contained.
Dread sank like a stone to the pit of my stomach.
Terror trembling through me.
Not for my own safety.
But because of what I saw written all over this man. I think it was the first time I truly saw what he was capable of. The lengths he would go to when he promised that he would protect me.
And I couldn’t…I couldn’t…
Panic bubbled inside me, and I gulped around the fear and desperation. He couldn’t get involved in this. I couldn’t let him.
“I’m here for you to show me this, River.” I flung a hand out to where he’d sent me soaring on the loveseat. “Here for you to make meforgeteverything else butthis. This thing that you make me feel. But I can’t give you what you’re asking me for.”
“Because you’re afraid.”
I choked an aggrieved sound, and the words hitched on a sob. “Of course, I’m afraid.” My hands spread over my heart that was battering against my chest. “I’m afraid. I will always be afraid. Why do you think I can’t do thiswith you?”
The truth of it hit the room like a bomb, and I shook my head as the realization struck me.
Struck me with the force of a landslide.
“I never should have come here.”
It destroyed me, but it was true, and I wound around him and headed for the door. I had to get away from him before he convinced me that I could give him this. I should have known he’d be right behind me. I went to turn the knob when a hand slammed down on the door over my head, blocking my escape.
“Where are you going?”
“I need to get out of here. Away.” I yanked at the knob.
“You think I can just ignore what I saw? After what we just did? After everything?”
My head dropped, and I could feel his harsh breaths panted at the nape of my neck.
“I need you to let me go,” I whispered.
I could feel the battle that went down inside him, every muscle in his body trembling with malice.
With violence.
