AllFreeNovel
Share Us
No. That isn't how gravity works.
Whatever. I'm not a writer. I don't need to get metaphors right.
I enjoy the gravitational pull of their passion. I like sitting and listening to them. And I really like sitting and tuning them out. I mean, yes, I love my best friend and my brother, but I can only listen to so many conversations about the most romantic pop song of all time.
This is a good subject to keep my mind off sex.
So I nod along as the lovebirds discuss the merits of love songs. I let my mind wander.
This is how Cass and Damon used to talk when they were kids. We've been best friends since I can remember. She's been there my entire life, the sister I never had.
My father used to work with Cassie's father. They were in a band together. They sold a bajillion albums, toured the world, took over Hollywood. They were still touring when I was a kid. I don't remember a lot of the details, only the feeling of going from place to place, never settling long, never knowing home.
Then, later, when it was just Dad touring, that sense I didn't know where he was or what he was doing.
It was normal, at the time. After all, Cassie was already my best friend, and she went through the same thing, and we all get used to our family dynamics, no matter how strange they seem from the outside.
Eventually, the band stopped touring, and our fathers started their own businesses. Her dad runs an independent record label. Our dad is a songwriter. She and Damon learned from him.
We used to spend every summer together at my parent's summer house (they're that kind of rich). After Cassie and I watchedThe Matrix, or walked the beach, or did our nails, or attempted to apply perfect eyeliner (she always had to do mine), Cassie sat next to Damon and worked on a song. Dad helped too. He was happy to have a mentee.
Back then, I imagined her and Damon falling in love. I wanted them to get married so she'd legally be my sister. Then my brother started drinking, and he hurt both of us enough she stopped talking to him. (Well, she tried. She was kinda stuck since she's in my life).
A year ago, she tried to make nice. She needed his help for a project. They not only wrote an album together. They also pretended they were a couple because the label loved the idea ofa real couple writing real love songs, and, of course, they fell in love in the process.
No. They were always in love. They just had to realize it.
I'm happy for them. I am.
But it's weird. Complicated.
I'm not ten anymore. I don't want my best friend dating my brother.
When they finally told me they were really together, I was hurt by their deception. And I was jealous. I wanted her as my best friend first, not my sister-in-law first.
I wanted to keep the dynamic we had, where I could complain when my brother upset me, and she could nod and say he's so difficult, and she could complain about her boyfriend, and I could nod and saymen, huh?And she could laughyeah, but women aren't really better(she likes men and women), and we could be friends, first, foremost, always.
I know. It's selfish.
But everyone is a little selfish. And I'm past it. Mostly. I'm happy for them. Really.
Especially now that I'm leaving. I'm glad they have each other. They'll do better without me.
I just—
I don't love the idea they don't need me anymore.
I crave that freedom from everyone's expectations, but I don't want to let go either.
Hypocrisy. Or the human condition. Or both.
Or maybe just how I grew up.
Like our father, Damon is a recovering addict. When we were young, people looked at us with concern, like they weren't sure if we could hold ourselves together.
They were right.
He couldn't.
