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He chuckles. "When my coworkers dragged me to a strip-club, they threw around some of that. I could do this to her. Or make her come like this. I bet she's a tiger in the sack. All that bullshit. None of it was smart."
"And I probably wasn't better. When Cass asked me about her medication… I told her what I knew then. That SSRIs gave most people sexual side effects. That she'd probably need lube. That supplements might help her come."
His face goes white.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to bring up your sister's sex life. She's just…"
"Your best friend," he says.
"Yeah." I nod. "And I did fail her then. I tried my best, but I didn't know how to make space for her feelings about sex. I only know how to keep it technical." I should talk to her. Apologize for that. It might get lost in theby the way, I'm moving across the countrynews, but I need to apologize all the same.
"Is that how you were with ex-boyfriends too?"
"Yes." My cheeks flush. "But I think they appreciated it. Guys are so clueless. Most of them have no idea it's normal for them to lose an erection sometimes. And they have no idea how to handle it."
"How should they handle it?" he asks.
"Tell whoever they're with it's no big deal. They're just too hot or had too much to drink. Or it just happens sometimes. Then stop thinking about their dick and get the other person off."
"How can you make ED sound hot?" A flirting tone drops into his voice. Just barely. But enough. "Sorry." He smiles. "I'm not trying to derail you."
"I brought it back to sex," I say.
"You always do."
"I know." I nod.
He smilesand I like itthen he shifts back to the serious conversation we're having. "Did you get the wrong messages at first?"
"Everyone does." I swallow hard.
"Did anything happen?" he asks.
"What do you mean?"
His voice softens. "Did some guy do shit without your permission."
"Oh." He's talking about assault. "No. Not the way you mean. Not in a way that crossed the line. It was more a sense I was supposed to be a certain way. Play a certain role."
"I can't imagine that."
"You can't?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "You take exactly what you want."
My cheeks flush.
"It's sexy as fuck. But you're right. It's not common. Most women I'm with are shy. At least at first. They try to defer to what I want."
"Is that what you want?" I ask.
"No." His eyes meet mine. "I want someone who's as into it as I am. Ideally, we like a lot of the same things. But it's fun to try something different from time to time if my partner is into it."
"What have you tried?" I ask.
"You sure you're ready to go to sex?" he asks.
No. There's a lot on my shoulders. But I feel better, getting this little bit out. And I'll feel a lot better once I've told everyone the truth. "If you promise me one thing."
