AllFreeNovel
Share Us
There's something safe about the coast. The expanse of it. The possibility of diving into the Pacific and swimming forever.
I don't want to drown myself in the water. I want the endless horizon. The ocean that spans half the globe. The beauty and strength of the deep blue water.
It's only a few years.
I can come back if I don't love the city. If I can't handle the cold, or the rent, or the grind, or the distance from the ocean.
What's scary is I might not come back.
I might fall in love with the city that's captured so many ambitious women before me. I might make it my home. I might say goodbye to this one.
To everyone and everything I know.
"You okay, princess?" Jackson sits up straight. He starts to shift to a more serious tone. Away from our game. To something real.
I want to talk about it, I do, but how can I discuss it without telling him? "A lot is changing." That's the best I can do.
He nods. "This doesn't have to feel complicated." He looks up at me. "We can enjoy the time and part as friends."
"I know."
"Ah." He leans back in his chair. "It's not about me."
"Not exactly," I say.
"Not everything is about me." He lets out a self-deprecating laugh and shakes his head. "One of my ex's said I thought the world revolved around me."
Really? That doesn't sound like the Jackson I know. He doesn't insert himself into everything the way some people do.
Or, say, assume every movie in the world should cater to his taste the way one of my exes did. But he does take things personally, in a certain way. He would take it personally when anyone hurt Cassie.
"You do act like someone hurt you when they hurt your family." I sit on the lounge chair across from him.
His green eyes find mine. "I wasn't expecting you to agree."
"But you're glad I did?" I ask.
He nods. "If it's how you feel."
My shoulders soften. We can talk honestly, even if it's not what the other person wants to hear. That's a rare experience. It makes this easier. But it makes it harder too. Because I have to give it up. Because I won't find anyone else who's this easy to talk to.
"We all do it sometimes. We think things are about us when they're about someone else."
That's a good way to explain it. My choice to go to New York isn't about him. How could it be? I made it long before we kissed. But plans change. And my decision not to change them—"Is it that simple? If, say, I decide I don't want to stay here because I need more space. Isn't that about you, too."
He sits up straighter. "Is that what you want?"
"No. I want to be here for a while."
"For three weeks," he offers.
I don't know what to say, so I nod. "I need to focus on school."
He turns his body toward mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I do." The words fall off my lips. I'm desperate to release them. To get this off my chest. But that isn't safe or smart. I find the boundary I need. "But I can't tell you everything."
Curiosity fills his eyes. He opens his mouth, ready to ask, then he closes it. Stops himself.
