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"It doesn't have to end in three weeks, you know. And I'm not just saying that because I want you to be stuck as my sister, officially."
My eyes blink open.
She meets my gaze. "You both seem happy. Sure, that might be the sex talking, but it wouldn't be so bad if you were happy together. It's not like either of you are going anywhere."
"I have school." I have school three thousand miles away.
"It's not that far," she says. "He could spend weekends with you. Wouldn't it be nice, to have someone to come home to? Someone who can cook and clean and satisfy other needs we don't need to discuss."
It would if things were different. But they're not. There's no sense in wishing they were.
As she finishes, I let myself imagine it. This world where we really are a married couple. Where we support and love each other.
But I can't see us. Only clips from movies. Even in my head, I can't imagine an equal partnership. Only one where I lose myself in someone else's wishes. Where I give up my dreams or he gives up his.
He needs to be here.
I need to be somewhere else.
All the eyeliner and pink cocktail dresses in the world won't change that.
Chapter Thirty
Jackson
"You really had to upstage Nathan and Kenji, didn't you." Zack pats me on the shoulder. He motions to the room as if he's addressing an audience of thousands, not four. As if we're in a fully decorated dance hall, not a hotel room with a table of single-serving alcohol and mixers, and a single Just Married banner. "Or maybe you're trying to serve as a warning for them. Like how we watchedGone Girlwhen you told me you wanted to pop the question."
Kenji laughs. "Did he really make you watchGone Girl?"
"Make me? Please. I watch it every year on Valentine's Day. That's our tradition," Nathan says.
"That or another erotic thriller," Kenji says. "Where are the gay ones, by the way?"
"Is that the representation you want?" Zack asks.
"An icy blonde psycho. That's obviously my type." Kenji winks at Nathan.
"You flatter me, baby." Nathan pulls his fiancé into a close embrace. Then a soft kiss. A not so soft kiss.
Zack shakes his head. "We've lost them." He turns his attention back to me. "Do we need to watchGone Girl. What do you think, Romeo?" For the first time, he acknowledges the guy's presence. "Have you seen the film?"
"I've read the book," he says.
"A sharp portrayal of marriage, huh?" Zack asks.
"How would you know?" I ask. "You're not married."
"Right. Of course." Zack's eyes go wide with evil glee. "You are married now. I can ask you."
"He's been married for twelve hours," Rome says.
"More like sixteen, but, still, that's more than either of us. What do you think, J?" Zack asks.
I don't answer.
"Not sure yet? That's fair." Zack nods. "So let's give the guys what they want.The Last SeductionorBasic Instinct. Your choice, J."
"As long as there's nothing in a courtroom, I'm happy." I can't watch these terrible, unrealistic movies. I know they're not meant to present accurate versions of police work or legal drama, but I can't get past the ridiculous twists. They cause actual pain.
