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“Says you.”
“We talked about this. She lied, yeah, and it sucks. But you guys weren’t in a relationship. It was all supposed to be fun and games. She didn’t owe you anything. She didn’t have to tell you who she was when you were just messing around. Sure, once Pinkie got traded”—he shrugs—“she should’ve come clean, but I also know from an outsider’s point of view, that’s when things were shifting between you, no?”
I shrug. I hate how perceptive he is. Does that happen automatically once you become a dad? I think back on my own father and know the answer—no.
“Admit it. You fell for her. That’s the only reason you’re hurting so much. The reason your game fucking sucks. The reason you’re moping around. You did the one thing you always swore you wouldn’t do, and you fell for the woman.”
“So what? She ruined it.”
He laughs and claps me on the back. “Cut it out now then.”
“What are you talking about?” I take another gulp of my water because our break will be over soon.
“Cut out your heart because you’re refusing to listen to it. Fuck it, right? It’s just your life and your happiness. Being stubborn is way more important than that.”
“Who are you?”
“I’m your mind begging you to listen to your heart. Shit, man, we get one life, and happiness isn’t guaranteed. Why are you just throwing your chance in the gutter? So what? She lied about her name, but she didn’t lie about who she is. You saw the real her. You fell for the woman she is. A name doesn’t mean shit. The fact she’s Pinkie’s sister doesn’t mean shit. The only thing that matters is how she made you feel—about her and about yourself.” He pats me on the chest, just over the heart.
Then the whistle blows, and Henry skates away.
It’s a struggle to admit to myself that she made me feel on top of the world. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life, but nothing compares to how it felt to have her in my arms. See that smile on her face when I stepped into a room. Admire the flush on her skin when she came.
I try to do the drills.
I try to focus on my job.
But as I skate around and practice my footwork, my head isn’t in it. I end up stopping after one drill, and I’m standing with my stick in my hands, watching Conor. It’s so great that he’s back in my life in a big way, and it sucks this is going to put a dent in us remaining close.
As soon as he showed up, it was like it’d always been between us. He told me what was going on in his life, and I tried to give him my best advice. It was like no time had passed at all.
Wait…I think back to the conversation I had with him at Peeper’s.
Fuck.
My sister found out my mom is cheating on my dad. Like witnessed her and the other guy making out in my mom’s office.
Yeah, well, my sister doesn’t handle things like this very well, so she’s an emotional mess.
Fuck. That’s why sometimes I’d see Leigh staring into corners. She was struggling with something huge.
The rest of practice, my head is swimming with the decision of what to do, but one thing I know for sure is that after this, her apartment is my first stop. She’s been hurting, and I didn’t know it then, but I know it now.
Henry’s right, what the hell am I doing?
I’m not only torturing myself, but her too. At least I think I’m torturing her, but I won’t know until I see her. I’ve pushed past fear my entire life. Fear of coming out from under the bed or the kitchen table. Fear of standing up to him. Fear of not being good enough to make the top league in my area. Fear of not getting a scholarship to college to play. Fear of not getting into the league. Fear of not coming through for my team. Fear isn’t some new emotion, and it’s never stopped me before. Ever.
By the time practice is over, I’m ready to run to her damn apartment in my gear and skates, but I force myself to take a beat, shower, and change.
Right before I’m going to walk out of the locker room, I stop at Conor’s locker. Most of the players are still dressing.
“Can I talk to you outside?” I ask him.
He looks up at me from digging into his bag, still in his white towel. “Say it here.”
I cock my head. “Seriously?”
I watch his Adam’s apple bob, and he studies me for an awkward moment. “Fine.”
