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“Sit down.” Only when I do does he speak again. “My uncle Wade was sitting on our porch at my graduation party. The festivities had been dying down, and I was gonna go out with my friends to celebrate. I took the chair next to him, and to my surprise, he didn’t ask me if I felt like something was missing that day because my mom wasn’t there. He didn’t ask me anything other than what I was going to do that night. Still today, I have no idea why at that moment, it felt right to tell someone what was going on in my head, but I sat with him for a half hour and told him all of the conflicting emotions I was dealing with. About my mom not being there. Waking up to random women in our house on Sunday mornings. The fear of staying on the farm forever. The fear of ever leaving the farm.”
“Why did you decide to stay?” I ask—anything to get away from talking about me.
“Oh no, sweetheart, this is your confessional. And sorry that you’ve chosen me to spill your heart out to.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I’m not a counselor. I’m not going to hug you or tell you you’ll find someone better. I’m not going to fill you up with hope because telling you those things, treating a relationship with an asshole as a loss, isn’t what you need.”
“What do I need?”
“That’s for you to figure out. And you will. In time. Now, go on.” His attention falls back to the lake, and I miss having his eyes on me.
“There isn’t much to say beyond what I’ve already told you except that he doesn’t know I’m pregnant.”
Emmett nods.
“And I don’t want him to know. I don’t want him to be part of my life. He has his own kids that he left to spend time with me. What kind of father does that?”
“A shitty one.”
“I want him as far away from me and our baby as possible.” I run my hand over my stomach.
“Understandable.”
“So, no advice? You’re not an advice-giver either?” I ask.
He turns to me and smirks. “Anything I’m going to tell you, you already know for yourself. You know if you tell Gillian, she can help you the best out of anyone. She raised Clayton all by herself, and she found her way to believe in love and trust someone again. But you don’t want to tell her, and you need to figure out why. Maybe you just need time.”
My shoulders sag when I think of what it will be like telling my big sister everything. “I don’t want to see her face. She’ll be so disappointed in me.”
“I think as long as I’m not the father, you’re good on that front.”
I chuckle and shake my head, some of the weight on my shoulders lifting. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Making me laugh. Before I came here, I hadn’t really laughed in a while. Until I moved in here with you.”
“So, you don’t hate me?” I register the surprise on his face.
“Nah, I still hate you,” I say, lying through my teeth. As mad as I was, and even though I still harbor a lot of embarrassment about the past, he’s shown me that he’s not the person I thought he was. “You know, you haven’t made one sexual comment to me since I moved in.”
“Well, you’re pregnant.” He shrugs.
“So now I’m unattractive?”
He rises to his feet, picking up his cowboy hat. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”
He walks past me, and I want to grab his wrist and tug him down next to me, but I don’t. The screen door bangs shut behind him, ending our conversation. I haven’t wanted to follow Emmett so badly since I was a freshman in high school.
Who would’ve thought the man who annoys me the most would become my biggest confidant?
Chapter Fifteen
Emmett
Jude and I are coming back from planting corn when Ben follows me into the barn.
