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“No, I have a call.”
“Take the call, Chad. We have nothing else to say to one another.”
“I’ll fly to you tomorrow. Just tell me where you are.”
The fact he doesn’t even know where I’m from says how little we knew about one another. I hate hindsight, but when I look at our path to I love you, there’s a trail of little red flags I was happy to ignore.
“Goddamn it, Janice, I said one minute.”
“Bye, Chad. Lose this number.” I hang up and clutch my phone.
The tickling in my nose starts. I don’t want to cry. I’ve pushed the tears back so many times since I returned to Willowbrook, but hearing his voice stirs up all the guilt and betrayal.
Sure, our relationship wasn’t ideal. He worked late, traveled a lot, but he always made up for that when he’d come to me right from the airport or after a late dinner, and he’d bring me cheesecake.
One tear falls, and the others immediately follow. My back racks with sobs as my hands try to catch every tear because Chad isn’t worth them.
I hear a truck engine pull in, and I know it’s Emmett. I quickly sit up and run my fingers under my eyes. I hear him get out, and damn, I wish I was locked in my room. The last thing I want is for him to see me like this.
“Hey,” he says, staring at me. “You okay?”
I nod unconvincingly. “I’m good.”
He sits next to me, one step down, turning to rest his back on the railing of the stairs and look out at the lake. “So not sure if you’re aware or not, but I’m not blind.”
My shoulders sink, and my lips betray me in a small smile. “Can we ignore it?”
He nods. “Sure, if you want.” He doesn’t get up, continuing to stare at the lake.
“Why are you going so easy on me?” I shouldn’t ask the question that’s been plaguing me. He’s never pushed me for any information.
At first, I don’t think he’s going to answer. He never even glances my way. “When your mom dies when you’re two, everyone’s always asking you how you’re doing. Every milestone that she should’ve been there, you see the question in their eyes. ‘Are you handling it okay?’ Fuck. What the hell do they think? It’s a stupid-ass question. One I shouldn’t have just asked you.” He chuckles. “I figure if you want to talk to me about it, you will. If you don’t, that’s okay.”
“Thanks.” I wrap my arms around my legs and follow his line of vision to the lake. It’s so pretty here, I see why Ben returned and Jude and Emmett stayed. “He was married,” I say, figuring he knows I’m pregnant, so he might as well know the whole story.
“That sucks.” He doesn’t turn to look at me.
“I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t.”
“Didn’t think you did.” He brings one leg up and rests his forearm on it.
“I met him at a hotel. I was booked for a private lesson with a client who was having her penthouse renovated. I was trying to get up to her room, but my client never put my name on the list, and she didn’t answer her phone. He saw me arguing and came over to mediate. He was so charismatic, I was instantly attracted to him. He said he worked for the hotel and assured the receptionist he’d escort me to the room himself. Turns out he was some bigwig for the company who owned the hotel chain.” I remember back to that day and how at the time, I’d thought my luck was changing. He was something good coming into my life. “His job was a great reason to always take me to hotels.”
“Did you at least get unlimited room service?”
A sad sort of chuckle leaves my lips. “Do you take anything seriously?”
“Plenty.”
“He flew me places, said how he lived out of a suitcase because of his job. I even believed the lame excuse that he liked my small apartment because it felt like home versus his bachelor pad. Do you know how bad it sucks to feel like a fool? To feel so stupid, you question your own intelligence?” I lean my head on the railing. “I was so naïve, so blind. And I’ve felt so guilty since I found out.”
“Don’t blame yourself.”
“How can I not?” I swipe the tears falling down my face. “Oh my god, you don’t need to hear any of this.” I move to get up.
Despite the shame I felt when I found out that Chad was married, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I knew I would have the baby. That no other choice was an option for me. I know firsthand what it feels like to be an unwanted child, and I couldn’t give the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. Neither felt like the right decision for me.
And I knew after I’d decided to have the baby that I’d want to do it here in Willowbrook. The cost of living is way less than in Chicago, and though I have friends there, I never really connected on a deeper level with them. I want to raise my child near my sister and in the town I grew up in.
