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‘Yes.’
We stand there for a moment before he comes over and puts his arms out unnaturally.
‘I don’t quite know what you’re doing?’ I tell him.
‘I’m offering you a hug, you donkey.’
Donkey. I kidnapped a donkey once. With Leo. Jasper envelops me in his arms and pats my back gently, tears welling up in my eyes to know he’s here. I’m not sure how to express anything so I state facts to break the silence. ‘You brought food.’
‘I did. It’s very good sushi and some bits, gyoza and karaage,’ he steps back from me, still not quite revealing why he’s here but looks up at the singular counter that is my kitchen and siftsthrough drawers and cupboards to find bowls and cutlery. ‘You have chopsticks, excellent.’ He takes everything over to arrange on my coffee table and I stand there observing, grateful to him for taking charge but curious to find out how much he knows, whether he dislikes me or not. ‘I also bought fizz because I didn’t know what you had and I like to see a new year in right.’ He pulls a bottle of Moët out and I get a couple of wine glasses out.
‘Those are for wine,’ he tells me.
‘I don’t have champagne flutes,’ I tell him.
‘Then I know what to get you for your birthday,’ he tells me.
‘You’re staying until midnight then?’
‘Were you headed out?’ he enquires, looking me up and down. ‘In your fetching fleece number?’
‘No.’
‘Then I am staying.’ He tells me this in the same tone he used when he told me I was going to his for Christmas. I have no choice except it’s nice to have him here. ‘I like your place. It’s giving open-plan cosiness. Where are your curtains from?’
‘IKEA.’
‘Noted.’
‘And who are these people?’ he asks me, pointing to a photo on the wall.
‘That’s Gemma, my best friend, and those are my goddaughters.’
‘I thought I was your best friend,’ he replies, making himself comfortable on the sofa and noticing Graham Norton on the television. ‘I met that actress once, you know?’ he says, pointing at the bald android, still avoiding more important issues of discussion.
‘Of course you did.’
‘Cressida brought her home one Christmas. She only drank vodka and ate celery. Arms like Twiglets. Have the tuna, it’ll blow your mind.’
I don’t reply but look at the sushi platter before me. He knows I like sushi. If he’d hated me, he would have brought me cheese and onion crisps and marshmallows, I guess. I eat quietly, side-eyeing him a little, watching in awe at how much wasabi he can handle.
‘And now for our musical guest. They have six Grammies, a massive forty-four number one singles across the world and their new single is released next week, please help me welcome to the show…’
‘Urgh, hate him,’ Jasper tells me.
I laugh as he reaches for the remote and turns the volume down to a low murmur.
‘What’s he ever done to you?’ I ask Jasper.
‘Sang.’
I laugh and he looks over to me while taking a large helping of seaweed salad.
‘Can I give you some money for this food?’ I ask him.
‘Don’t be silly. This is on me. We’ll take it out of my redundancy money,’ he says, half-grinning.
I stop for a moment, my face freezing to hear him open that topic of conversation like that. He knows. ‘Jasper…’ I murmur, putting down my plate. I put a hand to his arm. ‘I’m sorry…How?’
