AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘So to get one over on this Matthew Travers, you steal his family farm donkey for shits, giggles and selfies, and then you…’
‘Put the donkey back. We keep the selfies for posterity and then sometimes write notes to Matt from the donkey telling him he’s a complete helmet.’
I laugh, looking at Leo who I think is desperately hoping I don’t think this completely juvenile. I take a long sip of my drink.
‘Well, then. Do you need a hand?’
I’m not quite sure what I agreed to here but given my experience with the foxes a few days ago, I think I need to reconsider my outdoorwear situation in more detail. Luckily, there is enough alcohol in my system to keep me warm, but the Lakeland night air is bitterly cold, ice and snow still on the ground, making this country lane especially slippery. The sky is unlike anything I’ve ever seen though; the stars feel that much closer given how clear they are, and it seems to extend for miles. I walk slowly to take it all in. We’ve already walked what feels like half a mile at least, leaving our cars behind to avoid gettingcaught. I feel a blanket go over my shoulders and look around to see that it’s Leo.
‘Here, have an extra layer,’ he offers, putting his arms around me then kissing me on the forehead. Some of his friends rib him but he doesn’t seem to care. ‘I am so sorry about this. We were supposed to be having a quiet drink. We can leave if you want…’
‘Don’t be silly. I like this insight into you with your friends. You never struck me as a rebel.’
He laughs. ‘A rebel would properly steal the donkey. We take pictures with him. Like naughty elves.’
‘But dressed as Santa instead. Any reason for the costumes?’ I ask, peering at the Santa hat he’s been given and its fluffy bobble.
‘Because we have beards to disguise ourselves, obviously,’ he tells me, tapping his nose like this group of men have thought of everything. As inappropriate as it is, the hat is a bit of a turn-on.
‘Isn’t it good to be back up North?’ Stuart asks Leo, approaching him from the back, putting both hands on his shoulders.
‘I’d rather be drinking.’
‘Boring! City life has made you boring, Leonard.’
‘Says Stuart who lives a life in the Lakes now. Any ladies on the scene, young man?’
‘A gentleman never tells. But remember Holly Murs who was two years above us, the one with the giant hoo-hahs?’
Leo nods slowly.
‘That’s a story for when your lass ain’t about, mate…’ he says, laughing, but slowly ambling off-track until he comes to a fence and starts to climb over it, some of the Santas following as they disappear into a pitch-black field, attaching torches to their heads. My trainers are not going to like this. I head over as Leo expertly climbs the fence too and then offers me a hand.
‘Still time to walk back to the pub?’he asks me.
I’ve come too far though. I guess if these are all his closest childhood acquaintances then I need to make some sort of impression too. I climb over to the other side where I feel my feet sink into the untouched snow, glancing at a sign that says all trespassers will be prosecuted. Unlike CCTV-heavy London, I think we might be OK. I hear a sound. I think that was an owl. Possibly a wolf? I stay close to Leo but do my best to keep up with the rest of them as we cross the field towards a barn of sorts. In the background, there’s a well-decorated farmhouse where all the lights stay off. I feel my breath heavy in the cold night air, feel the crunch of the icy floor underfoot. As someone who has been truly law-abiding and sensible her whole life, I will admit to feeling strangely buoyed by the energy of the group, the sneaking about. As we get to the barn doors though, there’s a small murmur of voices that tells me our plans may have taken a turn.
‘Bugger, he’s put a padlock on the door,’ Stuart tells us and I see the looks of disappointment on their faces. It’s quite a thing to see a group of Santas, normally so jolly, look so dejected. It’s like the opposite of what this day should be.
‘1234,’ I suddenly whisper amongst the silence, my breath fogging the air.
‘What now?’ Stuart asks me.
‘Passwords and pin codes. 1234 is usually the most common pin code people opt for. We in the city are boring but we know our cyber security,’ I jest.
‘She’s got a point,’ Leo tells the group.
Stuart tries it and the lock pops open and we would rejoice if weren’t stealing a donkey. Instead, Stuart comes over and gives me a massive kiss on the cheek. ‘Lads, mission Donkey Kong is go-go-go.’
I can’t lie, I’m pretty psyched from the adrenalin but as the barn doors open, next to the very pungent smell, we are greeted by a welcome chorus of Old McDonald sounds. I look around atthe metallic walls, the hay lining the ground, a rather large horse’s face staring at me from behind a metal gate. Hello. I come in peace. The Santas all disperse, going over to pet animals and give them handfuls of feed to keep them quiet. Stuart heads to one of the stalls with Grinch-like movements and a few seconds later exits. With a donkey in tow. He walks him over slowly towards us. Hello to you, too. I’m not sure what a donkey would look like but for some reason I expect him to talk to me like Eddie Murphy and talk to me about parfait. But he has soft eyes, and he’s especially grey with soft downy fur.
Leo puts a hand to his muzzle to pet him. ‘Hello, old mate. Good to see you again.’
I smile. But before I have a chance to make my acquaintance too, a sudden flash of light comes on in the farmhouse, filtering through into the barn. Leo’s eyes open widely. All the Santas stand very, very still. Fuck. Don’t most farmers have guns? I stand there realising I may have been stupid to have agreed to this. Some of the Santas start to leave the barn. We hear a door open.
‘Shit,’ Leo mouths to Stuart, all of our faces panicked.
We see the flash of a torch, weaving in patterns outside. ‘Is anyone there?’ we hear a loud, deep voice echo through the barnyard. ‘Who’s running there? Have you been pissing about with Declan again?’
