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‘Spud.’
‘Why was he called Spud again?’
‘Because he had a head shaped like a potato.’
And everyone around that table laughs and it really is the most joyous sound to hear them all, to see Leo so relaxed, but also to get a hint at how much this family all love each other.
‘He nicked your car?’ I ask Leo’s Nana. Leo’s Nana is brilliant, her walker that she takes everywhere is decorated in tinsel and fairy lights and she’s in a burgundy velour tracksuit with matching slippers, tight white curls to her head. What she lacks in physical speed, she makes up for in wit.
‘Don’t know why mine. It were a rundown Citroën, couldn’t go more than forty most days. That’s some shit joyride, to be fair.’
We all laugh, sitting around the huge Christmas table with ourassigned vegetables. It’s a really sweet tradition, the way today seems to be when everyone rallies together and gets the big day prepped. I’ve met so many family I’ve had to put names in my phone just so I’ll remember everyone, but they shake my hand, hug me warmly and welcome me into their fold like, well, like I’m family. It’s eight o’clock now and a group of us sit here, helping ourselves to a buffet selection on the counter, pouring cups of mulled wine and sharing stories and anecdotes. Inside other rooms, people get out tables, teenagers have been told to make place names and fold napkins, and they get chairs and stools from every room so we all have somewhere to sit. I have been given carrots to peel, two bags of them, and ordered to cut them into discs because we’re common folk up here in the North, we don’t want any of your fancy baton action. I look across the table to watch as Leo expertly peels potatoes and cuts them ready for roasting.
‘I know someone at the home called Maggie. She’s a huge cheat at mahjong, mind,’ Leo’s Nana tells me. ‘Tell me about yourself. You in computers like our Leo here?’
‘I am,’ I tell her. ‘Is it alright if I call you Nana too?’ I ask her.
‘Oh, Nana, Nell…I don’t mind one bit,’ she tells me, putting a hand to mine. They’ve put her on Brussel sprouts, and she peels them, one by one, putting crosses at the bottom before throwing them in the pot. ‘Actually, when we’re done here, Leo, can you have a look at my iPad. It’s not working.’
‘Have you been looking at porn again, Nana?’ Leo says and I laugh, covering my mouth.
‘Cheeky bugger. Don’t need porn, plenty of hotties at the home.’
Sandy’s face goes ashen to hear her mum talk, while her grandchildren roar with laughter.
‘Anyways, I’ve been told you and Leo are courting, is that right?’
‘Nana!’ Leo exclaims. ‘You don’t have to answer that, Maggie.’
‘It’s fine,’ I say, trying to not look anyone in the eye. ‘We’ve maybe just started seeing each other. See where it goes, eh?’
Leo’s sister giggles while Leo shakes his head at his grandmother.
‘Well, that’s lovely. You seem like a nice lass. You dated that girl at school, remember Leo? The artsy one with the blue hair? Never liked her.’
Sandy flaps her hands around to remember her. ‘No one liked her,’ Sandy tells me. ‘Rude girl, always came in this house and her feet up on my pouffe with her shoes on.’ The sisters continue to laugh while Leo looks down at his potatoes, resigned to the fact that this evening will mainly involve many of his most embarrassing life stories. I’ve already seen the bikini pictures though, I’m not really sure that much can top that.
‘And then she dumped Leo for a French exchange student in double denim and Leo cried for days. Do you remember, Gabby?’ Claire shares with the group.
‘Oh god, the sad music on repeat. So much Fiona Apple…’
‘Fiona Apple?’ I say, looking over to Leo, smirking.
‘Oh, he were raised by sisters…’ Claire jests. ‘He loves himself a strong female singer-songwriter at heart.’
I look over to Leo. In a mere couple of hours, all his secrets have been revealed and I think he knew this would happen and doesn’t seem to have any shame in it, which is refreshing. He’s no longer the quiet, reliable one in the office but someone who’s got this whole network of family, who’s come alive in all these stories and it’s like seeing someone in 3D for the first time.
‘Mum, just seen the time. We’ve got to get you to bed in a minute and get all your meds in,’ Sandy tells Nana.
‘Such a shame…’ she replies, looking at the clock. ‘I’m on day release you know?’ she tells me. ‘For good behaviour. If I’m naughty, my ankle bracelet goes off.’
‘That’s not true, Mum,’ Sandy replies.
‘It’s not. I’ll see you tomorrow, lovely Maggie, and all you monkey nuts too. You bought sherry, didn’t you, Sandy?’
Sandy nods as she helps her pull her chair back from the table and she rolls out of the room. Claire looks over at me as I yawn, peeling and chopping my last carrot of the day. ‘Leo, maybe you two need to get some sleep too. You’ve had a long drive and she needs to rest to get better.’
‘Yeah, we’ve got to make a move too, Claire,’ Gabby gestures to her sister. ‘The lads have messaged and kids are in their PJs but we’re out of milk so they’re all in high panic about what to leave Santa.’
