AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Oh, the works.’
There has been so much to say to Jasper since yesterday. I like your mum, she’s ruddy fantastic and I adore the way you look after her. I hate how you and Miles are some sort of outliers in this family. I don’t see why you’ve been cut out of it. Albert is a bit of a personality void, Cressida is a personality disaster. And then there is Miles who I love. Who you love. I hate that you hide that part of yourself from your family, I really do, but I am privileged to be witness to it.
‘The other tactic is that you stand there in the reindeer onesie and bay and attract the dogs that way,’ Jasper tells me.
‘Bay? What noise does a reindeer make?’ I say, attempting a sound that’s a cross between a moo and a neigh. I see Miles laughing across the way. ‘But what if the dogs eat me?’
‘They won’t eat you. They’d kill you though, possibly just to stop that noise.’
And maybe that’s where my relationship with Jasper sits, on the right side of banter, as opposed to a deep dive into why the threads of all these relationships he has with so many don’t quite weave together in the way they should.
Miles suddenly drops his binoculars. ‘Shit, they’re headed this way,’ he tells us. His worried expression tells me that perhaps running will now feature in this morning excursion, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.
However, Jasper stands his ground. ‘You keep going, keep spraying. Maybe stay low.’
I do as I’m told and keep moving, headed towards a big tree where I can hide but also spy, mainly because I think this might get juicy.
There was me thinking hunts would involve one or two dogs but no, there’s almost a herd, and behind them a few riders on horses in red jackets and black helmets.
‘How did I know it’d be you two out here ruining it for everyone?’ says a man at the front. I think that may be Albert. ‘Was it you with the horn?’
‘Have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Jasper says. ‘We are foraging for mushrooms. Right, Miles?’
‘Yeah, I’ll assume you’re on a trail hunt then?’ Miles asks him, defiant.
‘Of course,’ a female voice sounds out. ‘Not that it’s any of your business what we get up to on our land.’
‘Your father’s land,’ Miles corrects her.
I don’t know what to do. I should be spraying citronella around but also I’m worried. The hunters are on big horses with nicely plaited hair and Jasper is basically in his pyjamas with only his searing confidence to back him up. This doesn’t feel like a good or healthy situation. Do I rush in with my onesie? I don’t think that will be healthy and may confuse the dogs so I start moving slowly backwards, out of sight, using the trees as cover. I don’t know what this is but I am earning my cooked breakfast. I move like I see people do in combat war films, you face the action. Naturally, that means I don’t see what’s behind me though so I suddenly trip over an outlying branch and roll on to the floor. I wish it was one of those commando rolls that makes me look cool but instead I land flat like a pancake on my back. I rub at my head and lower back.
‘Is there someone else out there with you?’ I hear a voice in the background. Oh, shit. They’re going to send the dogs looking, aren’t they? I get the spray bottle and furiously douse myself with citronella. What do you do if you’re being hunted? You either climb a tree, run in a zigzag direction or lay perfectly still. Or is that for dinosaurs? I really should start appreciating the country a bit more.
‘Probably a badger,’ Jasper says. ‘Are you after those too? Were you looking to make a coat, Cressida?’
I try and crawl to a safe spot, away from view. I don’t know if my fall made me hurt but I pick crispy leaves off my chin and watch as everyone seems to still be arguing. Could I crawl back to the estate? It’s then I see it. It’s a mound of earth, surrounded by almost a gateway of tree branches that leads into some sort of tunnel and out of it, three baby foxes are looking at me. I don’t say a word. I don’t move because I don’t want to scare them but, Jesus Christ, you are so bloody cute and so little. Go in your tunnel. Go, go, I signal, trying to tell them to go back in. Go and hide. One of them starts making a strange barking/purring noise.
‘No,’ I whisper. ‘Don’t do that. They’ll hear you. Shhhh,’ I say, trying to go all Dolittle. I spray citronella around their den. I don’t want you to get mauled. It’s Christmas and that would haunt me forever. I sit there. I don’t know why I haven’t scared you yet but let’s assume this onesie is far more realistic than previously thought. I think one of them is smiling at me, like he wants to be friends. I peer my head around the trees. I have no idea what to do.
‘Seriously, where’s your mum? Go find your mum…’ I really don’t know what I’m doing. Like he’s going to tell me she’s just popped out for milk. I hear dogs howling again in the distance and another hunting horn sound. Shit. Maybe I can push them down the den and block the entrance so they’re safe. Maybe I can teach them to run in a zigzag. But no, instead I take off my coat and pick them up carefully, one by one and place them inside the coat. It’s cold but we’ll be fine once we’re running from the giant pack of dogs. I cradle them close to me.
‘Come on, let’s go…somewhere…’ I instruct them, all their little faces looking up at me. I hope your mother doesn’t now jump out of a bush and eat my face for stealing her young. I start moving through the woodland, carefully, trying to pick up speed in the uneven terrain. I need to channel my reindeer, possibly gallop. How does one do that exactly? I pick up my knees more. I can hear people on horses making shouting noises in the distance. I’ve seen this onGame of Thrones. The people on horses always win. I hope Jasper and Miles can hold them off at least. I swear we parked the Land Rover up here. I should have paid more attention, I’m now with a bunch of baby animals and completely lost. Here. I get to a path that leads out onto a one-track road. There’s a car there but it’s not ours, the driver window winds down and I see Carmel sitting there, in a winter coat and beanie, beckoning me in.
‘Silly girl, why are you carrying your coat? What on earth is…Oh…’
‘Room for three more?’ I say, out of puff, slightly delirious.
‘Jump in.’
EIGHTEEN
‘More coffee?’ Miles’s mother, Sally, asks me, and I nod, trying to get the circulation back in all my extremities. Naturally, when meeting company for the first time, you don’t really want to be seen in a onesie but here we are. I’ve been given an extra blanket for my shoulders and I sit in front of the fire, watching my new baby fox mates snuggling together in a basket. I don’t know if this makes me your mother now but I feel like I need to name you. I look around the cottage Carmel has driven me to on the outskirts of the estate. I like its cosy interiors, the coffee pot on the stove, how bunches of dried flowers hang from the rafters. In the corner, a modest Christmas tree is decorated in homemade felt decorations and you can imagine, when it snows, the white drifts on the fields must make for quite an idyllic setting. Sally pours me another cup and throws another log on the fire.
‘God, they’re bloody cute. Thank god, the dogs didn’t get to them,’ she says, peering into the basket. ‘More coffee, Carmel?’
‘Always Sal – thanks, lovely.’
There’s a friendship and respect there that I like, and I watch as Sally puts a hand to Carmel’s shoulder. She gets out aplate of star-shaped sugar cookies and I help myself. This will be a good base for the amazing cooked breakfast Jasper will make me later.
