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‘Yes. I’m just a little confused,’ I say, still glancing around the room. I see my boots, my handbag hanging off the bedpost, a sombrero lying on the floor. Oh my god, we weren’t supposed to take them. I am a thief.
Leo opens one eye and enters the room, shutting the door behind him slowly. I stare at him for a moment, still trying to recall what happened yesterday, but also looking at the mugs of tea in his hands. He’s dressed in a Kings of Leon T-shirt and jeans, his sandy blond hair styled perfectly, looking far too spritely for this time of morning, whatever that might be. He places one cup of tea on the bedside table and stands over me like I’m a poorly relative. I would never tell the others this but Leo always makes the best tea.
‘Is this your room?’ I ask him. He nods and removes some clothes from a chair in the corner of the room, taking a seat. ‘I like your sheets,’ I say running my hand over them.
‘I like to be cosy.’
‘So…this is your bed? I am in your bed,’ I whisper deliberately.
He nods again.
‘We didn’t…’
He looks down at the floor, almost frowning. Holy bananas. This is awful. It’s awful that I have no recollection of the event, which obviously is the hugest insult to him. But then a smile creeps across his face.
‘I hate you,’ I say in deadpan tones.
‘You and Jasper drank a bit too much tequila and we worried that you weren’t going to make it home, so Frank and I bundled you in an Uber with us and let you sleep it off here.’
‘I remember the Uber. The driver’s name was Sri. He had a beaded seat cover.’
‘That is true. Do you remember when you ran your fingers over it and sang us a song?’ Leo asks.
‘No, I do not. What did I sing?’ I ask. Please don’t let it be embarrassing.
‘I think it was “Cotton-Eyed Joe”. Jasper harmonised. It had strong country vibes.’ Leo laughs again and I reach over to take a sip of tea. As I lean over, I realise one of my elbows is a bit stiff. I look down to see a bruise forming. ‘Oh, sorry about that. That was Frank’s fault. He took the arms, I took the legs. There was a point where you got jammed in a doorway.’
I snort a little on my tea. ‘You both carried me into the house?’ I don’t know whether to be slightly depressed by the fact it took two grown men to carry me in.
‘Oh, it wasn’t like that,’ he replies, sensing my shock. ‘Frank and I are weaklings. It was that or leave you in the Uber.’
‘Did you carry Jasper too?’ I ask.
‘Oh, Jasper ran into a hedge to throw up and crawled in himself. He’s downstairs.’
I look around the room again. I knew Leo lived in a house share with Frank and some other bloke called Ben. It was a new arrangement since Frank’s previous housemate had moved abroad. I’d never quite visualised what it might look like. In my head, it involved a lot of Pot Noodles and video games. This room looks quite mature though, almost grown up. There’s a plant in the corner and a pile of books with an expensive-looking reading lamp.
‘So you took me upstairs and tucked me into bed?’ I ask him, bemused.
‘Frank’s room is a tip. Plus, I changed my sheets at the weekend so it felt like a safer bet. How’s the head?’
‘Fuzzy. So I didn’t do anything too embarrassing? Did I throw up?’
He pauses for a moment. The one thing about Leo is that he’s black and white, no nonsense. I know he won’t lie to me.
‘You had one final hurrah before you fell asleep; you told me you couldn’t sleep with your bra on. You took it off and threw it at Frank.’
‘What? How violent of me. Did it hurt him?’ I ask, horrified.
‘It’s a bra,’ he says grinning. ‘He just squealed loudly and flapped his arms around like he was being attacked by a bird. I was impressed you had such good aim.’
‘So you’re telling me you and Frank saw my boobs?’ I say, my face slowly grimacing with panic.
‘No,’ he says, putting a hand to the air in horror. ‘You did that things girls do when you unclip it and pull it through your arm. You were drunk but it was a very fluid, well-rehearsed motion.’
‘That thing girls do?’
Leo starts to blush. ‘You know…’ he says, taking a sip of his tea.
