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‘How does one do that?’ he asks, panicked.
‘Compliment them, say you saved this seat especially for them and then wink,’ Leo says a little too assuredly.
‘What if they don’t look nice?’ Frank asks.
‘Then you tell a tiny white lie as it’s the decent thing to do,’ I inform him.
Frank proceeds to wipe his hands down his jeans. I do worry for that boy, I really do. ‘And like I say, don’t worry about me, I’ll find you at the church.’ Frank nods. At least I’ll be one less thing to stress about. ‘I can stuff my handbag full of crackers,’ I joke.
‘You heard that?’ he says, mildly embarrassed.
‘Mate, I know all the ins and outs of this wedding and I’m not even going,’ Leo says.
‘You just don’t know my family,’ Frank moans. ‘It’s very stressful.’
‘Most families are,’ Leo sympathises. ‘I love my clan but I like them in small doses too. Here…’ he tells him, raising an arm to the air, ‘have some chocolate, take a breather.’ He tosses a chocolate Santa over in his direction and Frank catches it perfectly, ripping open the foil and biting into chocolate Santa’s head like he’s done him some great injustice.
The well-placed chocolate in this place is my doing. I’m all about the festive. I insist on at least some form of Christmas attire, whether it’s a hat, socks or a jumper and I am lucky that the lads humour me. The only thing everyone has rebelled against is the singing Santa which would activate every time you walked past. Someone was very quick to take the batteries out the day after he made an appearance.
‘URGH, PEOPLE!’ a very unseasonal voice trails into the room as Jasper reappears. The boys did a round of rock, paper, scissors to decide who would have to go upstairs and fix the network connection in admin, when really I should have sent Leo. Jasper is unusually grumpy at the moment – so much so that someone called him The Grinch in an email to me. That’s mean. That’s just his face.
‘Did it not go well then?’ I ask him.
‘It’s like you go up there and they’re complaining about the strength of the Wifi and a dodgy connection, and then you realise it’s because Vanessa is trying to download new software that’s already in her computer and Shelly is sitting there watchingVirgin Falls.’ He rants using his hands, his face that strange crimson colour it goes when he’s not impressed with life.
‘And I am sure you were very diplomatic about voicing your concerns.’
‘I may have told Shelly to do some work and spoiled the ending of Season One for her. Maybe.’
I guess it could be worse. The last time accounts nearly downloaded a virus that would have taken down the entire system, he started to track all their online activity and shamed a gentleman called Terry who had an online gambling problem. In Jasper’s words, he saved that man from himself.
‘Here,’ I tell him. ‘It’s done now. Last day, have some chocolate…’ Ithrow him a chocolate Santa too. Jasper takes Santa and knocks him against the edge of his desk, shattering him into bite-size pieces, before tucking in. He slumps down in his chair.
I look at the clock. ‘Look, you should go early,’ I tell them, spying Frank still hunched over his desk.
‘Really?’ Jasper says. ‘To be fair, I could do with the shopping time. I still haven’t got anything for my mum.’
‘Price range?’ I ask him.
‘Forty to fifty pounds?’ he says, puffing his cheeks out.
‘Cashmere,’ I tell him confidently. ‘Get into Oxford Street if you can bear it and head to John Lewis. A cashmere scarf is a gift for life.’
I see all the boys bow in reverence as they take in this infinite wisdom.
‘And you…’ I say, turning to Frank. ‘Go and chill. Leo, take him for a drink or something?’
‘Oh, we have plans,’ Leo tells me. ‘Frank and I are having a date night.’
Frank looks over at me and nods with scant enthusiasm, while Jasper laughs under his breath. ‘Yes, Leo and Ben convinced me to get a proper haircut.’
I clap my hands, a little too excitedly, beaming over at Leo for the intervention. Well done that man.
Leo grins. ‘It’s our Christmas gift to him. A haircut, proper shave, tidy up the brows, wax the nostrils.’
‘Something I didn’t think I needed but hey,’ Frank says, almost insulted. ‘Will it hurt, Leo? I have a very low threshold to pain.’
‘The date? I’ve been told I’m very gentle,’ he jokes and I laugh, maybe louder than I should.
