AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I wondered if I loved Dexter. Was there going to be a moment, anahamoment when I knew that I loved him? Deep affection, that was certainly there. Sexual love? Absolutely. Although we hadn’t gotten to sex yet, I knew it would happen. And something told me it’d be life-altering. The chemistry was overwhelming.
But love? Did I dare question my feelings for him? And if I did, would I like the answer?
The next day, Dexter and I were watching a movie, some flick that would fade into the background of what actually made the day important.
When looking back, I would only remember the smile. That one-of-a-kind Dexter smile that made me believe we would be all right. We would live in that altruistic adoration he constantly showered me with.
When he smiled, tucking my hair behind my ear before leaning in to kiss me, I knew that love and Dexter were synonymous. I could look up the definition all day long. I could see what love meant to other people, but all that mattered was what I thought of love.
And Dexter Andrews was love.
Every time I said his name, from that day forward, it was me telling him so. I didn’t dare tell him I loved him, truly. Instead, I said his name.
He was none the wiser but that was okay.
Dexter Andrews was my definition of love.
Noa
I didn’t knowhow long it had been, but eventually Theo stopped calling for me and went back inside. By then the rain had stopped, but the air was muggy with the promise of more.
I stood, realizing I was only wearing jeans and my bra. I was about to walk toward the house when I heard a car pull up. Dylan’s sweet voice babbled and I stopped. I sat in the grass, hoping Dylan wouldn’t see me. I didn’t know how I would explain this to him, even though he was too young to understand. I promised I’d be better for him and here I was, half-naked, hiding from the world.
When they walked from the car to the door, neither of them thought to look in my direction. Dylan started crying when Theo opened the door, reaching for him. Then, I watched my son wail and reach for his daddy, and I sniffled before ducking my head lower. Theo asked Dexter if he’d seen me once Dylan’s sobs grew quieter. They talked for a little longer and Dexter walked away after kissing our sleepy baby.
“How long do you plan on staying out here, Blue?” He strayed from the path and walked up before sitting beside me.
It wasn’t raining anymore, but I knew he’d ruined his suit by sitting in the damp grass. I marked it as one more thing I’d ruined in his life as I lay down. My life, his life, Dylan’s life, Theo’s life, Rachel’s and Phoebe’s. Anna’s. And now his suit.
“Forever?” I sat up and set my head on my knees and looked at him.
“And Dylan?” His eyes were on the night sky and I was grateful.
“He has you,” I whispered, the pathetic woman that I was. I knew I’d never abandon that boy.
Judging by the way Dexter only gave a slight shake of his head, he knew it as well. “But he needs you.”
We sat silently, and I wondered if he knew this was about him. That everything was always about him.
“When did it get so hard?” I scooted closer and he flinched as I leaned into him.
He exhaled slowly, and I stared straight ahead. I didn’t want to see the blow as it came. I’d done that before and it sucked.
“When we ruined each other. See, you thought you were going to be the only one messed up by this, Noa. But that just isn’t true.” He leaned into me in return.
And I felt the blue flames lick at my soul. They roared to life as I felt his body heat. What once consumed me with fear when he was near—that fire—was now what I craved.
Whatever he said, I counted on his actions. He touched me with a sense of distance. No lingering grazes of skin on skin, no fingerprints left on my body. People always said that actions spoke louder than words. But most people required both. Both could be false.
While his words spoke to my ears, his touch spoke to my soul.
“I want a do-over.” I tasted my tears as they slid down my lips.
I felt him shake his head.
The stars twinkled, and I focused on a bright one. It had to be us. It was too bright, too large to be anything else.
“Me too,” he said. “Me too.”
