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She moved into a nice house in Everett. In a cul-de-sac. Every time I drove to it, I had to erase the memory of the girl with blue hair and red lipstick.
But she’d done it to try to make it easier for me to see Dylan.
Still, the hope that move may have given me was snuffed right out when I noticed how often I was seeing Theo.
I tried to give them space, to pretend I was happy for her as I picked up our son for the weekend because they were going on a trip.
I tried not to wonder how he’d touched her, if he’d touched her, but there was this look that passed between them that told me he knew what it was like to have her beneath him.
I tried not to think about that as the weekend went on, but when it came time to drop Dylan off Sunday afternoon, I had to brace myself.
I had to see the woman I love with another man. It didn’t cease to gut me as time went on. It was just a wound that reopened with every display of their affection.
I smiled as she opened her front door and reached for Dylan. He cried as I handed him over, and I nearly offered to come in as I noticed the beginnings of a tantrum. When Theo came to the door and held his hands out to Dylan, my words died before they could be voiced. I ignored the unreasonable anger I felt when my son went to him and Noa shot Theo a grateful smile.
Is this something Theo always does?
They kissed, and I was more an outsider than anything. It fucking sucked.
So, after I dropped Dylan off, I didn’t go home. I was a little too on edge to be left to my own corner of hell where the walls were closing in on me.
I found myself at a bar with a shot of Patrón between my palms. I didn’t normally drink, let alone tequila, but it would provide a burn to compete with how I felt inside when I touched her.
Three shots later, someone sat beside me. Only when she spoke did I glance her way.
Her brown hair was shorter than Noa’s but the smooth locks reminded me of hers. Everything else was all wrong.
Her faux confidence made me want to ignore her, want to tell her that I wasn’t worth the shot she was about to take.
“Give me two of whatever he’s having and keep them coming.” Her voice was a little raspy but breathy and sexy and when I looked up again, there was a dare in her eyes.
Maybe I was imagining it, but they were speaking to me. They told me to forget fate for a night. They said that if I couldn’t experience love, I should experience her.
“I don’t want to know your name,” I told her after I downed the liquor, no longer grimacing over the bite and burn.
“You don’t need to,” she responded, and I eased into what it felt like to be desired again.
It wasn’t until we were an hour into vague conversation and four more shots into liquid courage that I accepted the challenge.
Somehow, I was in the bathroom and she was on her knees. All I managed to think about as I ran my fingers through her dark hair was how dirty the floor was, and though it should’ve turned me off, my orgasm hit hard.
I didn’t remember how I’d gotten home. I didn’t remember bringing her into my room and fucking her with my hand over her mouth because her pleasure sounded all wrong.
I didn’t remember passing out with the condom still on.
All those things I didn’t remember until I woke up and staggered to the bathroom.
Vomit hit porcelain as my doorbell rang. I glanced at the sleeping woman in my bed before slipping clothes on and heading to my front door.
This wasn’t the first one-night stand I’d taken part in. I’d had a few in college before I linked up with Rachel. The guilt I felt then was nothing compared to how I felt when I opened the front door and came face-to-face with my fate.
“Hey!” Her voice was cheerful, but it didn’t quite seem genuine as she looked me over. “You look like shit.”
I tried to laugh but could only muster up a small smile. I ran my hands over my face, wishing I could somehow change this situation. “What’s up? Is Dylan okay?”
She nodded quickly before clasping her hands together and looking past me. “Yeah, I just think you have his hippo. I called a bunch of times and stopped by last night, but you weren’t here. I ended up having to drive around all night just to get him to calm down.”
It was then that I noticed the slight puffiness under her eyes. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell Theo had done to help. Probably nothing.
